How to Relax Before and During Sex

One of the best ways to a better sexual experience is to relax before sex and feel relaxed during sex.

In our hectic busy world it can be challenging to just find the time for sex, let alone be in relax mode. Some of the reasons that make it difficult to relax are daily stressors from work or school, fatigue, alcohol and drug use, performance anxiety, confidence issues, or lack of interest.

Read: Tips for Dating with Anxiety

Let’s look at different ways you can ensure that you and your lover are relaxed before and during sex, and how that works towards a more satisfying outcome.

Relax by Preparing for Sex

How we feel during sex in part comes from how we prepare. Sure there are times when spontaneous sex is going to happen and blow your mind, but it’s rare. Most of the time we have some inkling that sex will or most likely will happen.

Even if you are just hoping sex may happen on a night out, there are ways to relax in the preparation.


Apart from being the right thing to do before getting down and dirty with someone, it’s also a great way to relax prior to sex. Some people take fifteen minute showers to wash away the stress they are currently experiencing, but maybe a bath is more your thing.

Read: Grooming Tips from a Natural Woman


There are two groups of thinking here. Some people think it’s the perfect way to let go of stress related to performance anxiety while others like to stock up on the juice for a bigger and better finale. Know your body, and do what works for you.

Read: 5 Reasons to Pre-Date Masturbate

Clean Your Space

Not only is it a good idea to prepare your palace for possible hookups, but it can also relax you. Many people find basic housework is a great way to relieve anxiety or stress. Either way, make sure you’ve got your place in tip-top shape.

Read: Get Your Home Ready for a Date or Hookup

Eat a Meal

You want to feel satiated before you have sex. There’s nothing worse than feeling hungry before or during sex, and possibly not having food on hand for yourself or your hookup. For the people who understand the term “hangry,” make sure to eat a meal before and have snacks on hand to offer.

Stock Condoms and Lube

You don’t want to worry about essential ingredients right before things go down. Imagine getting back to her place and assuming she’s got boatloads of condoms in her night table drawer—we don’t, usually.

Read: 8 Ways to Use Lube and Improve Your Sex Life

Get in the Mood for Sex

Part of preparing for sex and learning to relax is getting yourself “in the mood” first. Everyone has individual tips and tricks, but here are a few suggestions.


This is my go-to way of relaxing before a big date or possible sexual encounter. For me, cardio helps to clear the cobwebs and work out any stress or anxiety I may be feeling. You don’t have to run on the treadmill at a gym but simply go for a walk around the block if that helps.


Breathing has been used to relax for eons and for good reason. It helps slow everything down around you and allow you to focus on the here and now. Try a deep breath in counting to four, hold for three, and let out counting to five.

Create a Relaxing Atmosphere

Is it fun to have sex in the washroom of your favorite club, sure, but it’s probably not relaxing as you’re worried about getting caught and thrown out. Not to say sex in public isn’t exciting, but for a relaxing romp, make your environment as chill as possible—warm temperature, pillows and blankets, mood music, soft lighting.

Read: Get Her in the Mood Before You Get to the Bedroom

Read Erotica or Watch Porn

This is similar to masturbating. Some people want to tantalize their sexual tastebuds before the big event while others would never want to do this. This is also something that can be done individually or together. Lots of couples find watching other people have sex a big turn on and a way to relax before sex.

How to Relax During Sex

Manage Expectations

Expectations for how your hookup will go down will more often lead to disappointment than not. Go in with a clean slate about what is going to happen, and you’ll find that everything is a pleasant surprise.

Get Rid of Distractions

Please turn your TV off, and place your cell phone out of arm’s reach. Tech distractions are not only a buzzkill, but they are really annoying when they take your attention during intimate moments. Sex is the only sensory stimulation you need.

Take Your Time

There is not need to race to the finish line, and women need foreplay for proper arousal. Focus on her pleasure and getting to know her body if you don’t already.

Read: Slow Sex: 5 Tips for Slow Passionate Sex

Change the Tempo

If you love thrusting or licking pussy or massaging butts, enjoy it all by mixing up the tempo and rhythm. Think of playing her body like a musical instrument. You don’t want to be known as a one-note wonder.


There is such a thing as talking too much during sex, especially if it has nothing to do with what is going on in the here and now. But letting your lover know how much you are enjoying what they are doing to you or what you are doing to them is essential. We are not mind readers. Share what’s feeling good.

Read: 7 Subjects NOT to Talk about During Sex

Be In the Moment

Being in the moment is challenging even for the most zen of us. Outside thoughts tend to creep into our minds even at the best of times. When you begin thinking of outside stressors or distractions, bring your mind back to the luscious nipple you have your lips around. Treat the body before you as a gift.

The sex we remember is the sex we were most mentally present for. Yes, it’s a physical experience, but the quality often depends on how we were feeling mentally.

Pat Attention to the Small Things

Everybody is unique, and so is every body. Take delight in what is before you. Kiss that cute mole below her left butt cheek. Caress the peach fuzz hairs on the back of her neck. Lick her painted toes you fetishize. Stopping to smell the roses will keep you in the moment.

Read: How to Give Her Better Oral Sex

Embrace the Awkward

While sex can be hot and intense and orgasmic, it can also be awkward and embarrassing at times. And that’s where a good sense of humor comes in. Sex can be serious, but most of the time it should be fun.

As I get older, I find it easier and easier to be in the moment during sex and much of that is about being feeling relaxed and open and free. I like sex, so I will say practice has something to do with this. Practice practice practice doesn’t make perfect, but it does make sex better.

Read: Tips to Have More Sex in Your Life

How do you relax before and during sex? Please share your tips!

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