Want to give her better oral sex?
Oral sex is probably the top sex act where dudes feel a little bit like a fish out of water. Even if you are confident in your smooth moves from dancing to kissing to various positions, cunnilingus can feel complicated and make a man feel uncertain.
If you’ve been reading my posts for a while, you know that the main reason for this is how all women are different. This is especially true when it comes to pussy licking. You can perfect your technique and prowess on one woman, sending her soaring to the rafters. But the exact same moves will fall flat with the next lover.
Give Better Oral by Avoiding These Mistakes
Let’s look at some oral sex no-no’s women share. To give better oral sex, avoid these four common cunnilingus complaints.
1. You Don’t Go Down at All
Your biggest blunder is skipping dessert altogether. Or in many minds, the main course.
It’s such a turn off when a new lover isn’t interested in eating me out. He’ll give me some song and dance and ultimately dance around it. Forget that. My pleasure matters, and I need to be warmed up, not just him sticking it in. – Kassia, 22
Cunnilingus is too essential to her arousal and pleasure to skip, and it must be considered a staple of sex.
Many women misinterpret this as rejection of her taste, smell, or as failure to prioritize her pleasure. I’ve mentioned elsewhere that guys sniff dirty panties and want to lick our asses—the real reason you skip pussy eating is because you aren’t that confident about how you’re doing it! If she doesn’t overtly ask for it, you hope she won’t notice.
But oral sex is so important to getting a woman warmed up that it’s stupid to skip it. Also, you don’t want her to perceive this as a rejection of her body, even if that is not it at all.
Best to dive in and then ask for directions.
An experienced, confident lover won’t have any problem saying straight up, “Your taste is turning me on. Please let me know what strokes feel good or tell me what you need, because I know all women experience this differently.”
2. You Don’t Do It Long Enough
When you go downtown, expect to spend some quality time. Don’t be in a hurry to get to the real thing. This is the real thing.
This is where you have the power to arouse and excite her.
Most guys say they want to eat pussy “for hours” or that they love going down on a woman for the long haul. But when it comes down to it, it seems with hookups, they give a few licks, come up for air, and move along.
If you want to give better oral sex, take charge. Instead of waiting for her to say “yes, more please,” or respond in a way that lets you know you’re doing it right, settle in and challenge yourself to warm her up like she’s going to melt.
Very few women will be confident enough to say “please keep going” or “finished so soon? I need more.” Don’t mistake this hesitancy for disinterest or for you not doing it “right.”
You can tell her, “I want to lick you for as long as you can stand it.”
Often, because we think you are going to finish after a few token tongue swirls, we don’t relax. It takes a long time to relax. And since it takes a lot of us a long time to orgasm, we think “forget it,” knowing you might not be down there that long. Some women take 15 to 60 minutes to orgasm! Let her know she can relax and get there with you, if she’s into that.
I wish he’d spend more time on oral, so I don’t have to beg. – Lynn, 26
3. You Lick and Suck too Gently, or too Hard
A lot of guys act like they’ll break me if they put any muscle into their licks. I can barely feel that gentle lapping. – Priscilla, 30
Not sure what it is he’s doing when he vibrates his tongue and shoves it around like a chainsaw. Just kiss me slowly and softly and lick me like a soft serve. Anything else is too intense. – Sonja, 21
There you have it—different bodies have different needs. Your go-to techniques or your ex-wife’s favorites are not wrong or right. They are simply options. One size does not fit all when it comes to touching a woman, especially licking a woman.
While this can be intimidating, it’s actually quite liberating. You aren’t expected to understand the instruction manual in advance, but to learn from her, with every new partner.
4. You Move On before Making Her Come
I can only climax during oral, so it’s very disappointing if a new lover moves to penis-in-vagina sex. I enjoy that much more once I’ve had an orgasm. Then I can concentrate on his pleasure. and I’m glowing and relaxed. – Tina, 41
The best way to make me come is with your tongue on my clit and a few fingers in my pussy. Once you move the focus away from me, it’s not likely my orgasm is going to be center stage. – Marie, 33
A woman won’t always come this way, or want to, or come at all, but don’t assume things one way or another. Ask! “Do you want me to keep going so you can come this way? Show me what you need to get there.”
While we all have different oral needs, most of us will enjoy a lengthy warm-up of different kinds of kisses, licks, laps, strokes, swirls, bites, and thrusts with your tongue and maybe fingers too. When it is time to focus on coming, though, we will probably require a consistent rhythm and action for a while. By asking this question, you let her know that you’re into whatever she needs.
Do you have any tips for giving better oral sex?