How to Be Good in Bed: 9 Traits

Are you good in bed? What do you think makes someone good in bed?

Most of us jump to conclusions that might seem obvious before giving the question too much thought. We think of things like being attractive, fit, or fitting into someone’s idea of beauty.

Common answers revolve around hotness, wealth, and even dick size. Sex has something to do with physical attraction, of course, but it’s not that simple.

Women consistently choose average joes who make them laugh over sculpted gym freaks. Men report that flawless figured, high maintenance women sometimes leave them cold, and can’t forget their nights with natural, every day lovers.

Do Moves Make the Man?

Going in with an armload of scintillating techniques doesn’t always work, either. Experience only goes so far. After all, the precise moves that shake the earth for one lover are too intense or too mild for the next, whose body responds in an entirely different way.

The tips and tricks you learn to drive your lover wild need to be unlearned for your next relationship because she will undoubtedly have very different preferences.

So, with chemistry and technique so fickle, how do we know if we’re good in bed?

The key to being good in bed, and this is hard to believe but true, is to relax and be yourself.

Here are some important things that count towards being the best lover, that work for all ages and physiques.

What Makes Someone Good in Bed

1. Chemistry

The first first indicator that someone will be good in bed is one you really can’t do anything about. Just as you can’t explain why one woman drives you crazy and her sister feels more like your sister, even though they look similar.

Chemistry is a mystery. It has something to do with how we look, but more to do with smells, hormones, pheromones, and special signals that take place at a cellular level. Good chemistry is important for attraction and good sex, but you literally can’t do anything about it. Nature and fate decide this one!

2. Enjoyment of Sex

This one’s easy! It’s natural to enjoy sex more with someone who enjoys sex. Being rigid, uptight, anxious, and fussy can rain on the parade. Appearing detached or disinterested or impossible to please or having unrealistic expectations aren’t selling features of good sex. Being uncomfortable with natural processes, bodies, and desires can get in the way of your enjoyment, and hers.

One really important factor in good sex is the thrill we get when we see someone is really turned on. If you present as if you could care less, that’s not good sex for your partner.

Read: 5 Mistakes Men Make in Bed

3. Confidence

True confidence has nothing to do with extroversion, arrogance, or “goods” to show off. It means a real acceptance of who you are, of your body, and of her body. It is being comfortable in your own skin.

4. Generosity

A good lover is a generous lover. If your partner’s pleasure is always your priority, you are good in bed!

Part of putting your lover first is being patient and unhurried, even when you’re super horny. Yes, quickies are hot, but some women need a lot of time to warm up or get off, and if you’re in a hurry, you’re not prioritizing her pleasure.

Read: Tips for Giving Her Multiple Orgasms

5. Attentive

An attentive lover is a lover who is good in bed. Being attentive has something to do with generosity—you want to please her. It also has something to do with focus and even with mindfulness.

You might experience the way she feels, tastes, smells, and sounds, but being attentive means you tell her about it. You praise her and share the pleasure of what she is doing. You focus on her through touch and looking. You listen to what she is communicating, and you ask questions or just hold space for her experience. Most importantly, you PAY ATTENTION.

You check on the pace, on consent, you notice what she likes, what perfume she uses, what moves she enjoys. You focus on your time together, without always checking your texts the second she goes for a glass of water. Be fully present.

Read: How to Read Her Body Language for Better Sex

6. Broad Taste

Some of us have very specific tastes, and that’s just the way it is. But if you see beauty in many bodies, ages, personalities, and experiences, your lover isn’t going to feel she’s not measuring up.

Read: Don’t Have a Type: The Secret to More Sex

7. Willingness to Experiment and Explore

You don’t have to be an acrobat, a swinger, or own a dungeon. Just keep an open mind and be willing to explore and experiment. Even if something isn’t to your taste exactly, be adventurous or be in it for her pleasure.

8. Creativity and Imagination

You really do need to use your imagination for sex, not just your dick. Let your fantasies come alive.

Be creative in the kinds of sensations and experiences you show her. Create a mood and a rhythm with different music, a change of scenery, a sexy film.

Don’t expect everything to be like porn, or like the last hookup. Ad lib and improvise. Be playful and spontaneous. Surprise her with something new, and be willing to switch gears if it isn’t working out.

9. Sense of Humor

I always say this, and still guys think it’s their car or penis shape that matters more. How often do dudes shake their heads and wonder why their competition is an average joe with average looks, average muscles, and an average wardrobe. What does he have that you don’t?

Read: Use Your Sense of Humor to Win Her Over

Women want to have sex with men they enjoy being with. If the most important thing for sex is a full head of hair, I’ll buy a wig. If I want to have sex with a bigger cock, I’ll use one of my dildos. We want to enjoy the ride with someone fun, playful, and sweet who makes us laugh. It’s that simple.

Read: What Do Women Really Want in Bed

Ask your lover what makes you good in bed, then come back and share! 

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