What do women want in a man when it comes to sex?
I would never claim that one man’s prowess is every woman’s cup of tea, but many things work across the board, in the bedroom. It’s through my own experiences and speaking with women who are not afraid to break bread on the subject that I have come to certain conclusions about what makes a good lover.
And men not only need to know what women want in bed, but also WANT to know. I don’t know how many guys have said to me on our first hookup, “What do you like when it comes to sex?”
A lot of us women feel shy or protective to share with someone new what we truly want in bed, so here is a taste of what makes a good lover for all you curious men out there.
What Women Want in Bed
1. No Expectations
Before sex even happens, it should never be assumed or expected to take place. Even if you met on a hookup dating site, most women will want a real in-person date to know if she’s interested in going back to your place or inviting you over.
2. A Lover Who Takes His Time
A quickie can be hot and heavy, but it usually doesn’t make sense until you know someone for some time. Women want foreplay. Women need foreplay. We like being undressed. Kissing and caressing, teasing, and touching are all part of the arousal process. And don’t forget the oral!
3. To Be Asked Questions
Learning how much your lover likes to talk during sex is important, and knowing if she likes dirty talk and what kind of dirty talk. If you’re not sure about something you’re doing, ask her. “Is this okay? Does this feel good?” Just don’t let conversation outweigh action, and you’ll be fine.
4. A Lover Who Is Willing to Learn
The guy who thinks he knows it all when it comes to sex usually knows the least—truth! Sexual knowledge and know-how come from experience, but also a willingness to learn. Just because something worked with the last five women, doesn’t mean the next is going to be turned on by it.
5. To Be Surprised
Women love when a man has a specialty. It might be his foot rub, his passion for oral, the way he kisses a woman’s neck, or how he undresses her.
If you want to be remembered—and called back—develop your skills and techniques that are unique to you.
6. Their Boundaries Respected
A man who isn’t going to get a callback is the one who crosses a sexual boundary or pushes past a limit. You’re not always going to know ahead of time what a woman’s boundaries are—it’s not like we hand out cards—but in the moment, when she says no or pushes you back, do NOT push back on it.
If you have a kink or desire—a threesome, anal, bondage, whatever—that she isn’t interested in, and it’s very important to your sexual happiness, move on.
7. A Lover Who Pays Attention
Be in the moment, even if you had a hookup last night or one planned for tomorrow. Every woman deserves to feel that she is the only one in that moment. Focus on her, pay attention to what she says, how she responds, and how her body responds. This perhaps most important aspect of being a good lover is missing in more men than you would think.
Loose lips sink ships! It can be tempting to share an exciting night that you’ve had with your buddies over beers, but it’s not respectful even if you don’t mention any names. And even if it was a one-night stand, there is a community grapevine—online and off—that can ruin a reputation before you meet your next one-night stand. Take the gentleman’s route when it comes to spilling the beans.
What do you think women want in bed? Please share in the comments.