My partner recently sent me a link to a really great documentary. It features seven women of various ages, all talking about their desires and their experiences of that transcendent event known as the female orgasm. It goes into lots of detail about the underlying emotional and physiological processes involved and I have to say it taught me a few things! The following points are part one of a two part summary.
There Is No Real Physiological Distinction between Vaginal and Clitoral Orgasm
For a long time researchers thought that women achieved orgasm either as a result of clitoral simulation or by vaginal penetration. They assumed that different anatomical processes were responsible for each, but in fact this is not the case. Both lead to pleasure by causing muscle contractions in the vaginal and uterine walls. Why does it matter? Mostly it’s an issue of perspective. As a woman I’ve been asked if I’m a clit or vag fan when it comes to receiving pleasure and I feel this question has defined the way in which I’ve approached sex in general. I used to think that a vaginal orgasm was a rare gift and that only some women (not me) were even capable of having one. In reality it just takes the practice of being relaxed and completely open to it. Sometimes I’ve felt pressured by partners to try to cum vaginally, as if my ability to do so is an indication of their sexual skill. (Please note that such an approach does not lead to feeling open and relaxed and is therefore counter productive.)
The Clitoris Is actually Much Larger than It Seems
Rather than the tiny “button” it appears to be, the clit is actually a bigger structure whose roots extend about 10cm on either side of the labia. Although the exposed area we all know and love delivers the greatest amount of pleasure, paying some attention to those areas adjacent to it can really intensify your partner’s experience. Try caressing your partner’s inner thighs as you use your tongue to stimulate her clit, or use your mouth and hands in creative ways to make that entire area a focal point. Of course every woman will have different preferences and levels of sensitivity, so it’s best to ask for your partner’s guidance.
Fantasy Plays a Substantial Role in Women’s Arousal
Being in the right frame of mind can go a long way towards making a woman cum. I know from my own experience that I’ve been brought close to orgasm just by thinking of what I want my partner to do to me. On the flip side, I’ve been torn away from the sweet warmth of my sexy thoughts by reminders of my stressful daily life, sometimes as a result of boredom or from not feeling very connected to my partner. I think the key to a great orgasm for many women is to feel completely immersed in the moment and to feel that her partner is paying attention and not just going through the motions. Help her to maintain her erotic mindset by taking your time and savoring every moment of pleasure the two of you create together.