Just the Tips

What If She Doesn’t Have an Orgasm?

Woman on Top of Man during Foreplay

The female orgasm has always been elusive and confusing. In some eras and cultures, it was believed not to exist at all. At other times, it was considered dangerous and a curse. It has been labeled as neuroses, and it has been used as the cure for hysteria too.

Then there were discussions about the “right” kind of female orgasm—a vaginal orgasm was considered mature and womanly and a clitoral orgasm was considered immature. The G-spot orgasm was something special and unique, an advanced superpower, then at other times dismissed as a myth.

Whatever its history, sex is better when she enjoys herself and her orgasm is the ultimate indicator of her pleasure and attraction to you. It’s also insanely hot and satisfying to take her there.

What Happens when She Doesn’t Come?

Her orgasm is your priority—to a point.

You are a generous, unselfish lover more than willing to do what it takes to get her off. Great!

You want to be giving and attentive, and make sure she is having the time of her life.

But ultimately her orgasm is hers. Understand that the female orgasm doesn’t follow a script or a recipe. You can both do everything right and still not get there.

Your best bet is to communicate outright instead of guessing. “Your pleasure is important to me. How can I help you get there?”

Make sure your focus on her orgasm is a point of pleasure, not pressure.

As much as I love to get off, it can be incredibly stressful to feel like I have to make it.

Sometimes my body doesn’t cooperate. Sometimes nerves or novelty prevent me from getting to the finish line. Sometimes I’m not willing to invest the time it’s going to take. Sometimes I’m just not comfortable or relaxed enough to let go. If you have great chemistry, have shown your intention to put her first, and given her the necessary time and patience, don’t worry about it this time.

Just for the record, I am NOT excusing the selfish dude who sticks it in and drives it home for himself and doesn’t give a rat’s ass if she’s enjoying herself. I’m talking about the fact that many women, including myself, don’t always come and feeling like she has to get there can be counterproductive.

Many women don’t come with new lovers.

It’s ironic that an insanely hot casual encounter, which is about pure raw animal sex, often means she won’t come. She may need a few sessions to get used to a lover and for her body to relax. This means a woman won’t always climax in a hookup. It’s just the way it is, and it doesn’t mean it’s not hot or that she’s not attracted to you.

Many women have never had an orgasm.

There are some women who have never experienced orgasm at all. The chance their first time will be during a hookup with you is slim. While most women eventually have them, some never do. It might be physiological, hormonal, or psychological.

She may not feel comfortable telling you she’s never had one, so if she repeatedly tells you “don’t worry about it” she might really mean it.

Some women only come when masturbating.

It can take very specific motions and strokes and maybe she only comes solo. Other women only come from oral or manual stimulation, and they will likely tell you that. You can always ask if you are wondering what her jam is.

Invite her to masturbate as part of your sex.

The most effective way to make sure a woman comes is to have her hands-on participation. Encourage her to show you how to help her get there, and invite her to work her magic while you keep doing what you’re doing too.

What experience or tips can you share on the subject of female orgasm?

Tell us what you think!

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