Are you ready to hire your first sex worker? Not sure where to start?
Congratulations on having the courage to put your disposable income where your salivating mouth is, and pay for your hottest and sexiest dreams to come true.
There are two types of people: those who pay for sex, and those who think they don’t have to pay or never would pay for sex BUT who spend SO MUCH MORE MONEY on disappointing encounters in bars, going on dates with people they’re not sure they have any chemistry with, buying dinners for people they’ll never want to see again.
There are all kinds of reasons why people spend money on dating and monogamy that do not come close to the satisfaction, convenience and (contrary to popular ignorant belief) the safety that you will encounter if you choose to hire a sex worker who specializes in the fantasy you seek!
I’d like to share some tips that will help you find a sex worker and also teach you how to conduct yourself with a sex worker.
Where to Find Local Sex Workers
Local Newspaper Classifieds
More and more hard copy newspapers are disappearing, but you can still find sex worker ads in the back of random newspaper classified ads. Take a look for the massage parlor section—it’s usually near, or right after it.
Sex workers also might put ads in the back of other random independent media you might find, so keep your eyes open! (RIP to the sex worker section in the back of NOW Magazine in Toronto—we lost a good one when that went down.)
Sex Worker Friendly Social Media
Obviously there are sex workers online, since the internet is basically an island of human wisdom floating on an infinite ocean of pornography.
OnlyFans blew up in the past few years, and it’s a decent option to find sex workers or sex workers’ content. Tryst.com is another site that advertises sex workers and lets people create profiles and schedules that show availability for hookups. Be professional—don’t be a timewaster or a tease.
Twitter is the only major social media platform that allows nudity, porn, and sex workers to advertise… for now! Fingers crossed that you know who doesn’t turn Twitter into Tumblr! The online search for sex workers is half the fun… well, less than half, once you have real sex! But it’s fun.
Online Escort Listings
Other sites that directly cater to sex workers and promote their profiles and services are Slixa and VIPFavours. There are honestly a few dozen more that you might find when you start typing your desires into search engines, and seeing what sex worker friendly websites pop up.
Some online escort listings are iffy and questionable in authenticity, some are based in overseas situations that you will not be able to access due to language barriers and/or online trickery of another sort, and some will just not offer what you’re looking for. Start with those sites, and tread wisely.
Under Adult Services and Escorts in the Yellow Pages
The Yellow Pages and many other message boards, classified pages, and online portals offer sex worker info. Don’t be afraid to crawl down a rabbit hole… you never know what or who you will find!
Craigslist had a great run before they shifted the focus. Some people still try to risk making sexual transactions happen on that website, but it’s frowned upon.
Once you have been vetted and deemed safe and compatible, and provided the deposit accordingly, you will be WITH a sex worker!
Remember, the clock is ticking! You don’t have time to fuck up anything because lots of sex workers operate on a one-and-done basis, when it comes to being frustrated or disappointed with a client. The customer is NOT always right, especially in sex work.
6 Tips for Hiring a Sex Worker
1. Know the Laws on Sex Work Where You Live
This is Rule #1. Yes, you are probably technically bending or breaking the law when you get with a sex worker, BUT WHY is a professional sexual exchange of service and finance between two consenting adults illegal?
Sex work shouldn’t be illegal, and much worse crimes are committed every day. But know the laws before you step over the laws. Sex work should be unionized and decriminalized, dammit!
2. Get Tested and Be Prepared to Discuss Health Risks
Even though you should and will be using protection with a sex worker, you should still get yourself checked out, as a courtesy to them. Sex workers are tested regularly, so they already know.
You should be ready to discuss your health situation and your updated status, just because it’s responsible and good for you to be aware of and up to date with. Celebrate your healthy status with a romp in the sack!
3. Tell Them What You’re Looking for in First Contact
You may be with a sex worker who has had a thousand partners, maybe double. You never know. But what you should know is that, apart from a disconnect in sexual chemistry, nobody can do everything they dream of on the first fuck. Not with a regular partner, and definitely not with a sex worker!
So, just take it slow and enjoy the entire experience. Ask for one or two direct and complete fantasy experiences.
4. Ask Any Important Questions
Especially on the first time, there is NO question that you can ask a sex worker that is “too stupid.”
There are real situations where sex workers are giving clients the first sexual experience of their LIFE, and you know someone who is offering their virginity is going to ask a couple dozen questions. As they should! And any sex worker who has the answers and feels comfortable sharing, genuinely will.
Everyone wins when you know what to ask for, how to ask for it, and when it’s right to ask for what you dream about when you’re both awake and in the bedroom.
5. Don’t Try to Bargain or Haggle on Price
Do NOT under any circumstances in the universe besides a real house-fire or heart-attack situation should you utter one word of negotiation, bargaining, haggling, price-reduction, discount, or any sort of unthinkably blasphemous cheapskate scenario to any sex worker.
What a sex worker tells you to pay: You pay.
6. Be Kind and Respectful
Thank your sex worker for the honor and blessing of spending an hour or two, or a weekend together.
“It was a business doing pleasure with you and a pleasure doing business with you” is a sincere sentiment, and though it sounds like a witty quip or a cheesy bumper sticker, it’s a concrete conversation that has happened many times over, all around the world.
The next time, I hope it’s you being polite to your sex worker and showing them courtesy for being of sweet sexual service.
When you are kind and respectful, a sex worker will be willing to see you again as a client and/or recommend you with praises to other sex workers!
Congratulations on your courageous carnal choices and curiosity, and I hope you connect to the sex workers of your deepest and freakiest dreams!
Addi “Malcolm Lovejoy” Stewart