Casual sex is meant to be just that—casual. But let’s be real. When you meet a woman who you connect with sexually—where the sex is good if not great—it’s unlikely you’re going to let her go after just one roll in the hay.
It’s much more likely that you will attempt to form some kind of relationship beyond just being her boy toy.
Many types of “casual” relationships are created after just one hookup. You might find yourself in an ongoing friends-with-benefits relationship, or a see-you-every-Friday-to-fuck arrangement, or maybe you’re polyamorous and your life involves many part-time lovers. The doors are wide open when you choose non-monogamy.
Now, if you’ve met a woman whose company you enjoy, both sexually and otherwise, you might be thinking about something a little more than casual. Your feelings have developed and now you want to consider a “real” relationship, but you’re not sure how she’s feeling about it or even if it’s a possibility.
Let’s talk about the signs that will help you know if you’re just a plaything for her, or if she’s up for something more serious too.
5 Signs You’re Just a Boy Toy
Are you only a boy toy to her? Consider these signs that she wants to keep things casual.
1. Sex is the only engagement you have.
A woman who wants nothing more than a boy toy is going to avoid any date-like activities to avoid giving the wrong impression or leading a man on.
If she’s very clear-cut on how you guys hook up, pay attention. If she’s not interested in grabbing a bite out after a steamy session, she may be telling you how she feels without actually saying it.
2. You don’t know if you’re her only lover.
She may have many lovers who you don’t know about, and at this point it’s not really any of your business.
3. You know nothing about her personal life.
You’re having sex with her so that’s pretty personal, but we all have complex lives outside the bedroom.
Some women love to be asked questions and talk about their work, families, pets, and interests. But if she’s not planning to get to “know” you better than what your sexual proclivities are, she’s also not going to share what’s deeply personal to her.
4. She’s still active on dating sites and apps.
There are many ways to hide your online activity, but you may still be able to see how active she is on a casual hookup site that you’re both are members of. Some women want you to know that they are sought after by all kinds of suitors on their multiple social media platforms, while other gals are super discreet and clever about who sees what.
Glean what you can from what you have access to if you’re curious—most of us are!
5. You reach out far more than she does.
If she’s juggling multiple casual relationships and boy toys, she’s probably reluctant to make plans when you’re together, preferring a wait-and-see approach. Some women have commitment issues, and if she has no interest in committing to a relationship, it may also be difficult to pin down plans for anything unless she initiates it.
If you’re not happy being a stud in her stable, you may consider greener pastures.
Read: 5 Texting Tips for Men
6. She’s distracted when you’re together.
I think it’s rude to be on your phone—texting, sharing, or checking for likes—when you’re in the company of someone you’ve made plans with. If this describes her behavior, I can almost guarantee you that she’s not looking for sand wants to keep it casual. It’s more than likely that she also has other men interested if not in the same position as yourself.
There’s nothing wrong with playing the field and having many lovers. Both men and women enjoy casual sex and relationships. If you have a problem, for whatever reason, with being her boy toy or one of many, move on respectfully and bring up what you’re looking for in your dating profile or on the very first date.
For the signs that she actually might be interested in something more than a boy toy, read:
Have you played the role of boy toy in a relationship or arrangement?