Part 3: How to turn online flirting into naked rug wrestling.
1. If you want to get down, then contain that vibe and send it out my way, don’t spray it haphazardly at every woman within 10 miles. Wherever we meet, if you get there first, choose a seat that faces the opposite seat and the wall behind it, not the whole room. If your eyes wander, I will notice. But sheesh, is this really so difficult? I’m hot! Invest your energy!
2. Smile genuinely, and a lot. With eye contact. If you fill conversation gaps this way and I like you, I will be tickled. However, please be relaxed and at ease in your body, or you’ll come across as maniacal. Don’t stare at particular parts of my body beyond my face as though you’d like to cut them off and put them in your backpack. When I get up to go to the washroom, scan my body with your eyes – hell, I want you to glimpse what you’re in for so you can better picture me naked. Seduction is not a one-way street.
3. Don’t over-flatter me, especially about my looks. It makes me squeamish, and it sounds disingenuous. If you say something subjective, like “you’re lovely,” or “I find you incredibly intriguing,” then I will probably get to work immediately planning multiple ways to please you in the sack. But any kind of clichéd shit like, “You’re hot,” or “Great ass,” and all I can think is that I’m getting cat-called by a guy sitting at my table. A guy with no imaginative language or concepts is a guy with no imagination in bed. Blecch. Suddenly I’m hailing a cab.
1. Ideally, we should be somewhere loud enough so you have to lean in close to talk (maybe we start the date off somewhere quieter, and if it’s going well, suggest moving to a slightly louder venue.) When you lean in, talk into my ear, and if your mouth happens to lightly brush some of my hair on the way, so be it. Be nonchalant, though. Remember: you’re supposed to be giving me shivers inadvertently. That you don’t know it is so much sexier.
2. Touch yourself in my presence. I want to see your hands, so I can imagine them all over me: touch your mouth or rub your beard/chin while we’re talking. Rest your hands on your thighs close to where you would want me to touch you, but not quite there. Make me think about it… but again – be subtle. Trust me, I’ll notice.
3. Do not touch me overly intentionally! It’s too presumptuous when men do it, and too desperate when women do. Seriously. If you show me you’re attracted to me, but you have the self-control and determination to drag the process out and still leave me hanging, I will want you bad enough to chew my own arm off. There’s nothing sexier than feeling as though a man is overwhelmingly interested but is still allowing me to make the choice. So. Hot.
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