Just the Tips

How to Know if She Wants more than Casual Sex

Couple in Underwear

You met her online on a casual dating site. You weren’t looking for love, and you’re both seeing other people. But there’s something about her you just can’t shake.

If your feelings for a friend with benefits has changed and you’re thinking about a relationship, whether polyamorous or monogamous, you probably want to know whether she feels the same way about you.

How do you know if she wants more? How can you tell if she’s open to switching gears and thinking about something more serious with you?

Here are a few tell-tale signs that she wants, or is open to, more than casual sex.

How to Tell if She Wants More

She returns your calls and texts pronto.

A woman who is busy with other men, friends, family, sports, hobbies, and alike is happy to hear from her lovers, but she will focus on what she’s doing—not on you—until she’s free to call back.

If she mostly responds back right away, that might be a sign she’s feeling things more deeply.

You can feel it in the sex.

It can be notoriously hard to read the sex when YOUR feelings are getting deep, so don’t read too much into sex that feels like a love connection.

Still, if it feels like making love and not just fucking, it’s worth paying closer attention.

She wants you to stay over.

If she’s slow to hit the road after sex, or she hints at you staying over, that’s a clear sign that she hasn’t shaken you off after her physical needs have been met. If you’re routinely sleeping over after “casual sex” it might be time to take inventory of what’s going on between you.

She’s not dating other men right now, even though she was.

When you started hooking up here and there, you both had other lovers to call. If she has cancelled plans or cleared her apps to make more time for you, that’s often a clear signal that she wants most to spend time with you.

She has stopped talking about how much she loves being single.

Being single has many benefits, and a girl often tells you about them to make sure you don’t get the wrong idea just because the chemistry is insane. If she used to mention those benefits routinely—the variety of dates, the free time for her friends, the priority of her work, her love of solo travel—and now she doesn’t, she may have changed her mind.

She says she does.

Well, d’uh. But if she brings up the subject or tells you straight up that she’s developed feelings for you, then the time for a serious discussion is right now.

This is positive because it takes out some of the guesswork, and gets you both right to the dialogue about the hot and heavy stuff you need to work out before deciding whether or not to proceed, and how.

You can get to this point by asking her too. Honest communication is the best way to find out where you stand on anything. Don’t say, “Do you love me?” or ask if she wants to have your babies in the middle of blowjob. And don’t say, “We have to talk.”

Find a good time, like when you’re both relaxed and you’re driving her home, or when cleaning up after take-out Chinese food. Be direct, but not overwhelming.

“I really enjoy our dates. I feel closer to you than I was expecting to experience. I’m wondering if you do too, and whether that’s something we can explore.”

Have you had this experience? Please share your story in the comments!

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