I love talking to men about sex, and the one area that comes up the most in regards to how-to advice is going down on a woman. What exactly do women want? Do they like a lot of tongue? Should I use my fingers at the same time? How long should I stay there before going inside? Are there any toys that facilitate oral? And this is only a small sample of questions I get!
If you are an inexperienced lover, or virgin, of course you’re going to have questions. But that’s a good thing! It means you give a damn, are interested in gaining this skill, and above all, her pleasure matters to you. While oral sex doesn’t always lead to an orgasm for her, it’s the only way that many women do orgasm.
The worst thing you can do when it comes to cunnilingus, is not do it at all. I’ve met not only a lot of sexual beginners, but also older lovers who just don’t do it. And to be honest, like most gals, I just don’t have time for selfish men who want oral themselves but who are unwilling to reciprocate. Develop this skill now, and you’ll have it in your pocket for all time, anytime you need it. Let’s get started!
5 Oral Sex Tips for Inexperienced Lovers
1. Enthusiasm makes up for experience.
The biggest turn on for many women when it comes to any kind of sexual activity is enthusiasm. I’d rather a guy is hyped about going down than overconfident in his abilities—that’s a much bigger letdown in my books.
If she knows that her pleasure is yours, she’ll be much more open to you learning through the experience you share. And if she’s really cool, she’ll teach you a few things.
2. Every woman will respond differently.
Let’s say you find a lover who loves your approach, whatever that may be (there are so many oral sex techniques to experiment with), and you decide it’s your signature move. Before you go try it on the next woman you hook up with, be very aware that we all like it a little different.
Our tastes and responses are going to vary when it comes to how much pressure or attention we like on our clit, how much we want your fingers involved, what we want your tongue to do, and how long we’re comfortable with you being down there, and if that’s how we want to come or if we prefer oral only as an appetizer.
3. She’ll make herself wet.
One thing I’ve noticed from some oral novices is that they often think it’s part of their job to make us wet in the sense of spitting or licking. But we don’t need any extra saliva from you to make us wet. Our own secretions that come through the stages of arousal suffice. You’ll notice this the more times you go down, and that’s part of the beauty of taking your time.
When you’re in a rush and have no time for oral or even foreplay, you may want to use some lube to ease entry. But with oral, your prolonged attention will have her dripping.
4. Respond to her verbal and nonverbal cues.
Some women like to talk during oral, but many prefer the lay-back-and-enjoy-the-ride approach. When something feels good, you’ll hear a moan escape her lips, or an “ooh” or an “aah” or “just right there.” When something feels especially good, she may push her pelvis into your face to keep you right in that spot or gain more pressure.
If she’s giving verbal direction, follow what she says, but otherwise, watch and look for nonverbal guidance.
5. Practice without overthinking it.
Like anything you want to master, it takes practice. And what could be more fun than going down on a woman? Not much methinks. You might have a new girlfriend who is more than open to being your study buddy. And with someone you trust, it’s easier to have a rapport and dialogue during sex, about sex itself.
With more casual sex partners, you’re going to gain more insights into the different types of techniques that different women respond to. Remember, all practice is good practice.
If you have any questions around cunnilingus, please leave a comment!