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What to Do when You Can’t Get It Up

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It happens to the best of you. You’re on a date and hoping to ask her back to your place. You’re overwhelmed when she says yes, but when it comes down to it, you just can’t get it up or keep it up.

Erectile dysfunction (ED) can be more of an issue in older men, but most younger men experience difficulty getting an erection at some time in their lives.

There are many reasons that can affect your ability to get hard or stay hard: stress, pressure, medication, alcohol and drugs, exhaustion, mood, medical conditions, and performance anxiety. And sometimes there is no direct cause that you can name—it just happens.

If this has never happened to you, it will. Not to be a downer, it’s just part of life. You can’t control sometimes what your small head is doing, but you can control how you react to the situation. Let’s look at some ways.

5 Things to Do when You Can’t Get It Up

1. Accept the Situation

When I’m with a man who can’t get it up, I honestly don’t care. Most of us gals have been in this situation before, and we just accept it. And this is what we want you to do too.

If you get angry or start joking or apologize over and over, you’re calling more attention to the situation than is necessary. Breathe and move on. After all, there are so many other things to do than P-I-V sex.

Read: Why Non-Penetrative Sex Is a Thing

2. Be Creative

So your love wand isn’t working and penetration is off the table. Unless you’re a man looking to lose his virginity, it doesn’t matter as much as you think it does, especially if it’s one night only. Think about all the other moves you can make.

Give her an erotic massage. Decide that tonight will be oral only, maybe get into the 69 sex position and linger longer than you normally would. Engage in a sexy role play scenario that has you forgetting all about your uncooperative friend.

Read: Foreplay Only? How to Make It the Main Attraction

3. Use Toys

Is penetration really off the table? Depending on how well you know the lover you’re with, perhaps some dildo action is in order.

Does she have some toys in her night table, you some insertables in your closet? Maybe it’s time to turn the tables, and let her penetrate you with the strap-on she’s just bought? Maybe you want to try a butt plug for the first time.

Keep your mind… and back door open.

Read: Toys and Accessories for Casual Hookups

frustrated man that can't get it up
There’s no need for the session to end, if you’re creative.

4. Focus on Her

Intercourse is often the grand finale for many couples, but who says it has to be this time?

Put her pleasure first, and I promise she’ll forget all about the fact that you couldn’t get it up or keep it up. Kiss, caress, massage, lick, suck—make it your mission to get her where she wants to go, maybe more than once.

Read: Tips for Giving Her Multiple Orgasms

5. Reschedule

You may notice an issue before you’re with a woman, possibly while masturbating, or with a different hookup earlier in the week. If you’re worried about it happening, you can always postpone your meetup. Knowing that being tired, anxious, or stressed out has an affect on your function will help you decide when casual dating or sex may be better postponed.

If your inability to get or stay hard worries you, or if it’s happening over and over, talk to your doctor. It’s always better to be safe than sorry. They may run some tests or suggest a little blue pill or just tell you to stay patient.

What do you do when you can’t get it up?

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