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How to Deal when You Can’t Keep It Up

Woman Leaving Man in Bed

No dude wants to read the words “erectile dysfunction” in a sex blog, and it’s even worse to experience it. Since you are the owner of a penis, you already know there are times it loses steam. You might think it’s only supposed to happen to seniors, but if you are an older gentleman, you still would rather it didn’t.

The dreaded sounding “erectile dysfunction” or “ED” might better be referred to as erectile FUNCTION. The penis, and the man behind it are human, not machine. Blood ebbs and flows, hormones circulate, and other things influence the strength, consistency, and longevity of your hard-on. It isn’t a dysfunction at all for a penis to fill up and empty of blood, even during the height of arousal.

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Clinically, ED refers to an ongoing and problematic inconsistency of erection, so much so that it interferes with a man’s sex life. But every guy occasionally finds his dick unreliable, so here’s how to deal.

Rule out medical concerns.

If we’re talking occasional performance anxiety, it’s unlikely that you have any physical problems. But if you are experiencing unusual patterns, that could be a signal to check out the plumbing. Erection issues can be symptoms of diabetes, heart problems, circulation disorders, cancer, adrenal fatigue, depression, and more.

No need to run to the doctor every time your dick goes soft for a few seconds. But if it’s out of the ordinary, talk to your doctor.

Come to terms with what’s normal.

There’s a major gap between what a guy wants to be true about his cock and what really is true. You might think “normal” is a rock-hard foot long that spurts out volcanic lava. The reality is more like five humble inches that go up and down, and sometimes dribble rather than blasting the ceiling.

It’s absolutely normal to have a shy erection that comes and goes. Casual sex is amazing for novelty and adventure, but for many men and women, being unfamiliar with each other’s bodies makes the sex technically imperfect. Most women don’t have orgasms with new hookups, and lots of guys will find their erections falter.

Understand that women aren’t as worried about your erection.

Women know that men are human, and we aren’t measuring you by how stiff your penis remains. I won’t lie and say it never matters—we get sexually frustrated sometimes, and can feel insecure about our attractiveness if it’s always happening. But generally speaking, the ups and downs of your erection are normal to us. It happens, and it’s not the end of the world.

Remember that the more you worry, the worse it gets.

You know this already—the second your dick gets a little soft, you start panicking about your virility or my fulfillment.

Practice changing your thoughts when this happens. Don’t just stop thrusting abruptly and pull on your pants. Keep touching and snuggling, going with the flow.

Keep on keeping on when you’re between the sheets.

If you’re worried about not fulfilling a woman sexually, it’s kind of stupid to stop the sex—switch gears instead. Use your mouth or hands to pleasure her, a vibrator or dildo. Slow things right down and make out. Massage or wrestle or dance naked.

When you go down on her, don’t think about whether your cock is getting hard again or not—think about her pussy and nature will take its course.

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