Sadly, trolling others online has become a national pastime for some. People do it for various reasons, most of which I cannot understand. Sometimes people troll to shout their political beliefs or rage against those they don’t agree with, and at other times it gets more personal. Online harassment is a huge problem, and it should not be taken any less serious than when it happens in person.
Should You Stop Messaging Her?
What can make a woman uncomfortable isn’t always understood by men.
They may think a casual comment on social media is harmless, but if she expressed that she doesn’t want to communicate or if she has never spoken to you in person, then an ongoing barrage of comments, even positive or well-meaning, can feel distressing.
I speak on this subject from personal experience with stalking, both in person and online. In one instance I called the police. It was something I never thought I would have to do, but it was the only thing that worked to stop this person from harassing me.
When communication is online, things get a little murkier. Let me share with you when it’s time to stop engaging with a woman you have previously been in a relationship with, dated short term, had only one date with, or someone who you are interested in that you’ve only seen on a dating site or social media.
5 Reasons to Stop Communication
1. She Did Not Reply to Your Dating Site Message
There’s a reason why many dating sites only allow men to respond to women if they’ve “favorited” or messaged them first. This switch from a free-for-all environment came about because women didn’t feel comfortable with the onslaught of first messages they received, or those from men who didn’t know how to take no for an answer.
If you send a message that is respectful and shows a genuine interest in a woman, you can’t expect a reply. A woman may not message you back for a million reasons. No reply means she’s not interested, period. A polite decline from her also means she’s not interested and wants you to stop messaging. Of course, you will feel disappointed, but if you take it as a personal rejection, you won’t last long or be successful in your online pursuits.
We don’t want follow-up messages asking why we didn’t reply to the first one—it’s desperate and off-putting. Move on, and stop putting all your eggs in one basket (profile).
2. She Has Not Responded to Your Comments
Now that so many people use social media as a platform for their brand or business or passions, it has also become a place where some people are open to meeting potential hookups or maybe something more serious. It happens.
There’s nothing wrong with following or “liking” a tweet or gram or whatever—that’s what most people want, right? But if you expect that this person is going to respond to a romantic overture, don’t. Some people always engage, some never, and some sometimes. If you write a harmless message that invites a response, that’s fine. Just don’t keep sending messages and open-ended questions if you don’t get a reply.
3. You Dated Once, but She’s in a Relationship
It’s not always a bad idea to reach out to an ex. We’ve all done it when we’ve felt lonely, horny, or just wondering how they’re doing. But, it’s only acceptable if your relationship or short-term dating or even one-time hookup ended well. If there was ANYTHING that was awkward, ugly, or uncomfortable, stop texting as this is not the ex to reach out to.
That said, if it was an amicable split, it’s still not recommended if you know first-hand or even suspect (she’s posting pics of her with her arms around some hot dude) that she’s seeing someone. If you’re feeling obsessed or pining, unfollow or mute her accounts from popping up in your feed. It sounds extreme, but why torture yourself. It’s a quick fix that will help you to move on.
4. She Ghosted You
Although I don’t love the idea of ghosting, it does have its place in the dating universe. I’ve done it once, to someone who repeatedly said and did things that were disrespectful in a short-term dating scenario. I told him each time what I didn’t like about his behavior, but he didn’t get it.
If a woman you hooked up with or dated briefly suddenly stops communicating, it’s okay to send a message or two asking why if that seems reasonable. But if you suspect or know that you’ve behaved badly in any way, then suck up the consequences, and stop messaging her.
There are times when people in our lives cut us out, and we don’t know why, and may never know. And it may have nothing to do with us, so it can be very painful. These people will talk to us again if they are ready or able one day, but you need to move on and give them the space they are nonverbally asking for.
5. She Asked You To Stop Texting
This should be a no-brainer. If she doesn’t want to talk to you anymore, she might ghost you, or she might just ask you to stop messaging her. Your only response is no response. If you don’t listen to her request, she may look to the law to get involved.
You may think sending texts with cute photos or funny quips as harmless after a woman has said she doesn’t want to date or be friends or whatever, but something like that can make a woman feel threatened depending on the circumstances that preceded this, and if she has been clear that she wants no communication from you.
When do you know it’s time to move on? Please share in the comments.