How to Keep Your Desperation in Check

Sexual desperation can’t be disguised. You can’t take your massive need to get fucked and pass it off as a big libido. That’s like serving spam to the queen and expecting her to call it steak.

The only thing you can do when you’re overly horny is learn how to keep your neediness in check. Here are some suggestions for how to rein in your randy, dial down your desperation, put a pin in your peen parade, and… yeah, that’s all I got.

Don’t Spend all Your Time Trying to Get Laid

Take up geocaching or lawn bowling! Strap on your rollerblades and party like it’s 1999! Do something—anything to keep yourself busy and focused on something other than your dick. Women know when a man is desperate to get laid. We can smell it. The scent enters our nostrils and triggers a pathway to our brains that makes our thighs slam shut and our vaginas dry up.

It’s uncontrollable, and yet totally preventable! All you have to do is remember that there’s more to life than sex. I know it’s hard, like when you haven’t gotten laid in months and you swear you would give your left arm for a blowjob. Trust me when I say, though, that focusing too much on it will only ruin your chances of success.

If She Doesn’t Message Back, Walk Away

Don’t keep messaging her, or stalking her on social media. Either she’s not interested and you’ll never hear from her again, or she’s on the fence and needs some time to think things through. It’s also possible that she’s just busy, and it doesn’t occur to her that you might be checking your phone every thirty seconds. In short, don’t make your extreme horniness her problem.

When a guy I’ve been messaging starts in with multiple texts, asking where I am or when I’m going to be available to chat, I shut things down right away. In my experience, it’s a slippery slope from demanding texts to straight up anger when a guy doesn’t get his way. She doesn’t owe you anything, and acting like she does will scare her off.

Stay Open to Non-Sexual Connections

Don’t fear the friend zone! Keep your mind open to all the ways you can connect with women. When you go out on a date, accept that it might not culminate in sex. Just because you click online doesn’t mean the chemistry will exist in real life. Leave your house with the attitude of whatever happens happens. Maybe you’ll find yourself a lawn-bowling partner, or a wing-woman!

Don’t try to make sex happen if it doesn’t seem like a natural fit. It’s extremely creepy when a guy I’m seeing for the first time keeps grabbing the conversational rudder and turning things back to the bedroom. Just relax, Captain A-hole! There are more places to visit on this journey than Pound Town!

Don’t Pin all Your Hopes on One Woman

Strike up a conversation with as many women as you can. Let the vibe flow naturally and see who you click with. Cast your net wide at first, then narrow your focus down when you have a better idea of where the sparks lie.

Sexual desperation has this insidious way of making us blind to the truth. We meet someone that checks off one or two of our boxes and before we know it, we’ve filled in the blanks to create our ideal match. Don’t stop searching too soon. Wait until you find someone who meets most of your criteria without the need to re-invent them in your mind.

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