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You’ve Been Ghosted: How to Take It Like a Man

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From Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary online: “Ghosting (the noun) and ghost (the verb) both describe this phenomenon of leaving a relationship of some kind by abruptly ending all contact with the other person, and especially electronic contact, like texts, emails, and chats.”

It’s a part of our casual dating and hookup culture—disappearing from all contact without a trace or explanation. Usually it happens to women, when dudes don’t have the balls to break it to her gently that they don’t want to see her again or are moving on. But sometimes, it might happen to you.

Don’t grovel.

If you must have the last word, make it polite and genuine. Don’t blast her, and don’t beg or grovel. The last thing you want is proof in text of you acting lame. If she’s a nut job she’ll post it on Twitter for all her nutty friends to hiss at. Best to lay low.

Give her the benefit of the doubt.

Sure, the most likely reason she ghosted you is the usual one—the person is a shallow, self-absorbed jerk who doesn’t give a toss about other people’s feelings or humanity.

But maybe there were other circumstances. Maybe she received a difficult medical diagnosis, or bad news about her child or parents. Maybe she got pregnant and is dealing with that on her own. Maybe she decided to honor a commitment in another relationship and stopped seeing everyone else.

It’s a stretch, yes, but the point is we don’t always know what’s behind someone’s actions. It would have been nice if she explained that before disappearing, but we just don’t know what goes on in someone’s mind.

Revenge will backfire, so don’t go there.

Don’t embarrass yourself by trying to one up her for her deeds. Just let it be. If you didn’t do anything wrong, that’s exactly where you should leave it. No need to add fuel to the fire, and no need to turn yourself from innocent into a jackass.

Come to terms with your feelings.

You can’t accept or cope with your feelings about what has happened if you don’t know what they are. Ignoring the hurt and anger won’t cure it. But understanding how you feel will help you accept it and move on. It’s okay to say to yourself, or even a trusted buddy, what you’re feeling.

Maybe it hurts because you secretly hoped for more, and now you know she didn’t feel the same way. Maybe it was casual but you strive to treat your sex partners like human beings and the same would have been nice in return. Maybe you were hoping to slam that pussy again a few times. Maybe you don’t really care, but just feel jilted and all you need is a few days.

Whatever the situation, acknowledging what your feelings are and understanding them as valid is constructive. The sooner you sort them out, the easier it will be to move on.

Focus on what matters.

You won’t be down for long, but while you are take time for the most important things in life. Enjoy hooking up with women who do want your company. Take the nephews to a ball game or a museum. Catch some down time getting a project on track, or go golfing with your friends.

Keep perspective—in the scheme of things, this ghosting doesn’t matter. Other things do. That’s where you want to put your time and energy.

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