Online Dating: Sending a Message that Gets a Reply

In spring and you will find more traffic on dating sites than at any other time of the year. Spring fever hits both men and women. New people will join dating sites or re-activate their accounts in the hopes of hooking up or finding something more serious. I admit, the online dating game is easier for women than it is for men, so that’s why you have to bring your A-game. A little effort goes a long way.

Most women want to respond to a message, rather than make the first move. So that first message is extremely important. And this is where most dudes drop the ball. After a six-month hiatus, I recently went back to online dating. I’ve had sixty messages in two weeks! But guess what? There is only one or two I might respond to! And I don’t consider myself a picky person. Here are some real messages and the reasons why I didn’t respond.

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First Messages that Won’t Get a Response

“Hi. how is your weekend going?”

Snorefest. You should touch on something you read in a woman’s profile to let her know you’re interested in her specifically… that you want to meet her, not just any woman.

“If you ever need you’re very own private drink serving Masseuese just let me know:) I even do house cleaning in uniform of you’re choice!”

I don’t include casual sex in what I’m looking for, nor do I mention any of my kinks (sure I have them, but I don’t like to share until I get to know someone better.) Not knowing the difference between “your” and “you’re” is a pet peeve.

“I’m a good guy that works hard and just bought a badass car which happened to be one of my dream cars. So I’m motivated and ambitious.”

Material wealth and posessions don’t turn me on, and sharing values is important to me, even if it’s just going to be a casual relationship. This guy sounds like he’s got something to prove, and I don’t care much about cars.

“Damn woman you look good. How do you expect me to fall asleep after looking at your sexy pics LoL.”

A little flattery never hurts, but you shouldn’t open with it. If you do, again, add something about her as a person, something from her profile that caught your eye. If a message is just about her looks, she’ll assume you didn’t read her profile.

“Like your profile but wondering if you are a lot to deal with. You know, insistent on being the focal point or center of attention. Maybe some drama.”

This message was such a turn off… and went straight to the trash. Sadly, I doubt this guy gets very many responses with judgemental messages like this.

A first message doesn’t need to be perfect, but it should be thoughtful. I will still check out a cute guy’s profile if he wrote a so-so message, but he’d better have something worth reading.

Remember: Read a woman’s entire profile before you message her, and write something that is unique to her. Be a gentleman, and have a well-written profile. A little effort goes a long way.

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