A dude can get really wrapped up in neurotic concerns about his technical abilities, sexual chemistry, virility, emotional connection, and legendary prowess when a woman doesn’t have an orgasm.
There are a LOT of reasons why a woman didn’t orgasm. Here are a few.
Reasons a Woman Might Not Have an Orgasm
She just didn’t.
If an orgasm was the only important part of sex for me, I’d stay home and have them by myself all day long and never bother hooking up with an actual human being.
But there are so many aspects of sex I want to be part of. Like, you know, being naked with you. Kissing. Kneeling in front of you while you thrust. Sucking your dick. None of those will make me come, but I love them.
If you’ve been unselfish and asked her for direction, don’t worry about it if she isn’t worried about it.
She wanted to focus on you.
There’s nothing more annoying than your hand trying to diddle my clitoris whenever I’m giving you a slow sucking. I want you to relax and enjoy the sensations and be turned on and feel the different variations of my strokes and licks. You, understandably, can’t relax because you’re worried about whether I’m going to orgasm from this.
I love having an orgasm, but I want to do other things sometimes.
It’s something she only shares with her main partner.
This is rare, but in a time when more and more people are polyamorous, or hooking up for casual sex, we are all figuring out different ways to bond and what it is we want from others.
I know two women who differentiate their primary relationship from their hookups by only sharing orgasm with their spouse. Others have boundaries like anal or fluid bonding with their main partner only.
There are times when there is no way I can come.
This is often the case on a first date. So if it’s a one-night stand, it’s probably not going to happen.
Some women have NEVER had an orgasm. Don’t take the enjoyment of sex away from her by insisting you’ll be the pioneer where no man has gone before. If she shares that with you, respect it and tell her you are willing to please her in any way she wants. Express your willingness to do what it takes, but assure her there’s no pressure.
There’s no chemistry.
It’s possible the reason is that she just isn’t into it. She’s going through the motions.
If the whole shebang seems disconnected and awkward and you get the idea that she wants to get it over with, or opt out entirely, then she probably isn’t feeling it.
This would be a good time to ask gently, “Are you enjoying yourself? Or “Do you want to stop, grab a bite to eat, or let me take you home?”
Her not coming might have nothing at all to do with you. She might be new to casual sex, or she might not be very experienced in general. She might be used to a partner’s style because she was in one long-term relationship and now she’s dating for the first time in years.
She needs to masturbate.
Lots of women need to masturbate or add their familiar technique to get off.
Let a woman know it would turn you on if she wants to rub herself, or show you how to do it for her.
No matter what the reason your partner isn’t coming, the best course of action is to express your willingness to please her, then let her steer the ship.