It’s perfectly normal for women to have occasional difficulties reaching climax.
Assuming you are a generous, unselfish, caring lover willing to do what it takes to get her there, you probably aren’t the reason she can’t orgasm.
“Anorgasmia” is the clinical word for the inability to have an orgasm. Most women experience it on occasion, but quite a few women have never had an orgasm. Here are some reasons why she’s not making it.
6 Things That Affect Her Ability to Orgasm
If the woman your with can’t orgasm, here are some of the possible reasons why she has trouble climaxing.
1. Hookup Setting
Some women find casual sex more likely to get her off. She can really be uninhibited or let loose during a hookup, and that makes the difference.
But I’m much less likely to come during a casual hookup, no matter how exciting it is. There’s just too much going on and with the novelty and rush, I can’t quite relax and focus. I have lots of orgasms solo and once we become lovers.
2. Hormone Fluctuations
Sometimes women are told their orgasm “problem” is all in their head. Meanwhile, it’s all in the hormones.
There are times when I can get off no problem, but it’s pretty mild or weak. I’m not comfortable having sex during the peak of my menstrual period because I usually feel very sick, bloated, and experience pain. Sometimes I masturbate to relieve the cramps and I can get off multiple times in a row. This isn’t possible at more convenient and horny times. It’s definitely hormonal! I’m not even aroused—it’s just a biological urgency that helps my pains.
Most women continue to experience orgasm during and after menopause, but some find it harder because of declining hormones.
3. Lack of Clitoral Stimulation
Even if you’re an attentive lover, sex doesn’t always lead to orgasm. Most women need more clitoral stimulation, and some need a LOT more. Some women masturbate for thirty minutes or longer to get there!
We may feel too self-conscious to let you know we need an hour of oral to get off. After all, we know you aren’t a machine. Maybe we don’t want another thirty minutes of rubbing.
Sometimes I just want to let sex happen and enjoy it without worrying about having an orgasm. As long as you are willing and unhurried, and have open communication, let her decide.
4. Pain or Pressure
Dyspareunia (pain during sex), vulvodynia, and vaginal atrophy are a few conditions that cause pain from sex. They can be constant or occasional. Non-penetrative sex can help. A woman might feel sexual but vulva and vaginal pain prevent her from coming. There’s lots of ways to connect and enjoy intimacy without penetration.
5. Medication or Drugs
Some pharmaceutical or recreational drugs make is so she can’t orgasm. Many women find it hard to reach climax when taking SSRI antidepressants like Prozac. MDMA, or Ecstasy, is ironic, because it can make someone’s whole body feel more sensual and increase arousal, but prevent climax.
6. Emotional Complications
Women who have experienced sexual abuse or other trauma, or who are experiencing mental illness, may have unresolved issues that prevent them from enjoying sex fully. Be extra courteous and supportive if you suspect your partner is suffering behind the scenes, and be sure to ask her what she needs to feel safe and to feel pleasure with you.
Wondering what to do when she can’t orgasm? Read What To Do If She Doesn’t Have an Orgasm
Do you worry when a woman doesn’t climax? How do you please her?