Casual Dating

Rules for When You Go Back to Her Place

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If you want to get invited back to her place, or are looking for a casual-sex arrangement, there are a few rules…

Dear Holly,

I date online at lot, nothing serious, just casual sex from time to time to satisfy my enjoyment of being with women. Most women prefer me to go to their place which I’m more than happy to do, but it’s always one and done.

I guess I’d prefer to have a sexual arrangement with one woman than keep starting over from scratch. I’m sure there’s women who are into this kind of casual sex that isn’t too serious, right? But maybe I’m doing something wrong and that’s why I’m not getting invited back? What are the rules for hookups at her place? – Jace

Hi Jace. Many women prefer to end the date at their place because it’s where they feel more comfortable—they know where everything is, they don’t have to worry about getting home (possibly in the middle of the night), and they know their neighbors (or roommates) are close by if there’s a safety issue. These are just some of the reasons women prefer to ask you over.

Read: Her Place or Mine?

There are many women who love casual sex at different points in their lives for different reasons. But how we define casual sex may be different. One woman may think of it as one and done, while another may be open to something more regular but with no romantic heartstrings attached—this is why it’s best not to take things too personally. It’s not necessarily about sexual rejection, but rather definition.

Read: Where to Hook Up when Home Isn’t an Option

4 Rules for Hookups at Her Place

There are no rules set in stone about hooking up when you go back to a woman’s place. But maybe there are a few that most women can agree on. Let me share.

1. Your Place Should Be an Option

Even if there are many reasons she wants to have you over, your place should be a viable option, especially if you are hoping for a casual-sex arrangement moving forward.

I dated a guy that kept making the excuse that his roommate was a slob, but something felt off. After a few hookups, he said he had to move home with his parents because he couldn’t afford rent. We don’t care if you have a roommate, but we do care if you lie.

Read: How to Ask a Woman Back to Your Place

Women want to know the person they’re having sex with more than once is someone they can trust.

2. Be Respectful of Her Space

When you do hook up at a woman’s place, be respectful of her environment and property. Don’t move things around, go where you shouldn’t, or open her fridge and help yourself if it’s your first time over.

We don’t just invite every Tom, Dick, and Harry over, so know that as the “chosen one,” there are some expectations. If we’ve gone to the bedroom, don’t follow us unless invited.

Read: What to Bring to Her Place for a Hookup

3. Get to Know Her through Her Space

If this hookup is a one and done, this doesn’t matter so much, but hoping for something more will take a little something more. A woman’s home, be it a house or apartment, will reveal much more about her than what you talk about over drinks.

Have a look around (without snooping). Ask her about the books on her shelf, the painting on her wall, the pug sitting on your lap.

Casual sex is great in and of itself, but there needs to be some kind of interest beyond that for an ongoing arrangement. She’ll want to know that you are interested in her beyond fucking.

Read: The Truth about Women and Casual Sex

4. Don’t Overstay Your Welcome

This one is very important. We’ve all had guys linger well past the time they should have skedaddled after a hookup, and most of us are too polite to tell you to leave. You don’t have to leave right after you orgasm, but if you overstay, you’re going to leave a bad impression that can override the good impression that great sex leaves.

Assume she is a busy woman who has a full day ahead of her, even if it’s the weekend. When the sun comes up, prepare to go. If she wants you to stay, she’ll ask—trust me. It’s never a bad thing to leave prematurely after a great night because it leaves her wanting more with lots to think about.

Read: Signs She Wants You to Leave after a Hookup

Hookup Help is a Q&A series. If you want advice or a woman’s perspective on hooking up, online dating, relationships, or sex, we want to hear from you. SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION, and who knows, you may appear in the next Hookup Land newsletter.

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