How to Ask a Woman Back to Your Place

Many women love casual sex, but it can still be daunting to ask her back to your place.

Dear Holly,

I’m not interested in a long-term relationship, so I date casually and am always upfront with the women I meet online or in a bar or somewhere else. When I hit it off with a woman at a party or the club and think a hookup is in the cards, I’m not always the smoothest about asking her to my place. Am I supposed to ask her on a date or are lots of women up for casual one-nighters like me. Lately I’ve been turned down and just wondering if it’s my approach. – Doug

Hi Doug,

As a woman who has spent the better part of the last thirty years single and enjoying all the casual sex that I could, I’ve got some tips to share on asking a woman back to your place. There are more women in this day and age who want no-strings hookups like yourself, so don’t get that confused.

5 Tips for Ask Her Back to Your Place

1. Assess the Situation

I’m not saying you have to ask her on a date before you hook up, but get to know her as much as you can given the environment you are in.

There’s a reason why so many casual daters choose online dating sites—they can put it in their dating profile that they’re looking for casual sex, and not have to be turned down in person. If you are out in the wild and meeting women face to face, put in the time to know if it’s a good idea, for both of you, before you invite her over.

Read: 4 Signs You Might Get Laid Tonight

2. Be Prepared

I’ve gone back to some scary bachelor pads over the years. It wasn’t about being scared for my physical safety, but rather the place itself was scary. Dirty bathroom, smelly laundry on the floor, empty take-out boxes and dirty dishes piled up, no toilet paper… you get the picture.

If you’re going out and hoping to find a hookup, just make sure your place is in some kind of reasonable order and that you have at least the basics—tp, clean towels, and food and drinks to offer. And don’t forget the condoms.

Read: Prepare Your Place to Get Laid

3. Practice Chivalry

Some guys think if it’s just about sex, then it’s a transaction that doesn’t need the bells and whistles. And they’re right, for the most part. But some gentlemanly behavior goes a long way.

Taking a taxi back to your place? Pay for the ride. And if you can afford it, pay for her ride home the next day. Offer her something to eat when you get back, or better still, make her breakfast the next morning.

Small gestures may contribute to having a regular hookup arrangement or friend with benefits if that is of interest to you.

Read: How to Impress Your Next Hookup

4. Drop Your Expectation

You invite a woman back to your place, but she doesn’t want sex once you’re back there. So what?

The assumption that a woman is supposed to have sex with a man if she goes home with him is bullshit. She may want to get out of the place you’re in, to be more comfortable, get to know you better, or just keep the party going. Not all women who are into casual sex want to fuck three hours after meeting.

Stranger sex is risky on many levels, so she may want you to come to her place instead, where she has a male roommate who provides a safety net. Follow her lead, always.

Read: Your Place or or Mine, or a Hotel?

5. Accept Sexual Rejection

You might face rejection the moment you ask her back to your place.

If you say, “Hey, what do you think about going back to my place?” and she politely declines, don’t walk away in a huff. Take your licks, and don’t push things. She may say she’d like to meet up for a coffee because she isn’t ready to take a risk with someone she barely knows.

If you don’t have the thickest of skins, you can stick to online dating, where rejection never feels as personal as it does when you are face to face.

Read: How to Handle Sexual Rejection

Hookup Help is a Q&A series. If you want advice or a woman’s perspective on hooking up, online dating, relationships, or sex, we want to hear from you. SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION, and who knows, you may appear in the next Hookup Land newsletter.

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