Q: Dear Holly. I love women. I love sex. And I’m not ready to settle into any kind of serious relationship. I meet women on dating sites and at bars, and if the chemistry is right, I’m always in a bit of a quandary at the end of the night when it comes to asking her back to my place. I have a roommate, so I know that can make girls feel somewhat uncomfortable. And I’m not sure about suggesting her place, especially if it’s sex on a first date. Do most women like to go to a guy’s house for casual sex or be at their own place? Just wondering. – Paul
A: Hi Paul. It’s nice to know these kinds of questions are of concern to men. Unfortunately there really isn’t one right answer. As someone who has had her fair share of hookups, both from online dating and from meeting men in bars, I usually prefer inviting a guy back to my place. I feel safer and more comfortable in my own home. And what you say about roommates can be true. They can hinder a hot hookup either because they want to hang out with you, or you feel mindful about making too much noise during sex.
If your date hasn’t invited you back to her place, feel free to ask her over. But if you are, as you say, someone who enjoys frequent casual sex, be sure to keep your place in good shape. Nothing sends a woman running faster than a disgusting bachelor pad. It can not only ruin the mood, but it may keep her from coming back, no matter how good the sex is.
The one advantage of hooking up at someone else’s place is that you can leave whenever you want. If things go sour, you just take off. And if it’s all about sex sans cuddles, you don’t have to feel bad about leaving before the sun comes up. If you do like hookups at your place, be prepared for a woman to take her time to leave. Some hookups may want to hang out longer than you, and therefore asking them to leave may feel awkward. A little white lie never hurts in this case such as saying that you have to be somewhere or that you have a friend coming over.
Bottom line: don’t be shy to ask a woman back to your place, but if she prefers that you go to her place, be flexible. Happy hookups, Paul!
Hookup Help is a Q&A series. If you want advice or a female’s perspective on hooking up, online dating, relationships, or sex… we want to hear from you. SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION, and who knows, you may appear in the next Hookup Land newsletter. -xo Holly and Tia