Hookup Help: Talk Dirty to Her

Q: This isn’t something I would ask a friend, but since this is anonymous, here goes… My new(ish) girlfriend wants me to talk dirty to her during sex. Frankly, I’m not much of a talker when we’re in bed, not even one who makes any sound during sex. Well, maybe a last final groan when I cum, but the idea of making stuff up is weird to me. And when I tell her I’m uncomfortable with it, she always says, “Please, just do it for me” or something like that. It’s an ongoing q&a with us, and I’m finally willing to try, but how do I talk sexy or dirty without sounding like a total loser. I wish there was a class, but that would be sooo embarrassing.

A: Hi B. Some people see dirty talk as a particular fetish, but almost everyone I know or have been with engages in a little, and sometimes a lot, especially if they’re into role plays. You might think dirty talk is what you hear in porn, but that kind (often derogatory) is off-putting to most women. The “dirty” need only be sexy and flattering to turn a woman on.

Anything new you try in bed comes with a bit of discomfort, but it can often end up being fantastic for both partners. Start slow and watch how your girlfriend responds. You might not want to call your honey a “dirty slut” without first testing the waters. A lot of women will like when you whisper in their ears what you plan to do (e.g. “I’m going to kiss you up and down your body and then take you from behind), and by telling her in advance you build anticipation for what’s to come.

You may just want to compliment her, tell her how hot you think she is, how great she smells, or how soft her skin is. When you “talk dirty” in bed, remember to keep the action going. Don’t stop caressing or thrusting to tell her what you think or what you’re going to do. Keep your hands and body moving. This gives an all encompassing sensation for women… and we love it!

You’re lady isn’t going to expect perfection because she knows by now how you feel about adding dialogue to the mix. She’ll just be happy that you’re willing to do it “just for her.”

Any tips you can share for talking dirty in bed?

Hookup Help is a Q & A series. If you want advice or a female’s perspective on hooking up, online dating, relationships, or sex… we want to hear from you.  SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION HERE, and who knows, you may appear in the next Hookupland newsletter. -xo Jenny

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