Q: Holly, I’m horny and haven’t had sex in ten months. I went on a date with a girl who I met online, but to be honest, I think I just came across as a creep. I made a desperate pass, and she ended the date early. How can I cure what ails me without being a total ass. I think if I just got the sex thing out of my system, I’d calm down. – Horndog in Ohio
A: Hi HiO! I’ll just say it: You need to get laid. You’re on a dating site, and that’s a good start. It’s much easier to meet women for hookups online, than it is at bars and clubs where you usually have to make it through her gaggle of girlfriends first just to talk to her. And, you’ll save a lot of money if you find a potential match before you meet.
But here’s the big problem—desperation. Women can smell it a mile away, maybe even in a man’s dating profile. Some of the desperate red flags we come across online are men stating what they DON’T want instead of what they do. The negative vibe a profile gives off is akin to that smell of desperation.
Refresh your dating profile and choose profile pictures that attract women. That’s your first step. Next, shift your attitude. Sex isn’t going anywhere, so in the meantime, get busy with the things you are interested in and passionate about; this might involve signing up for a course or taking a workshop where, guess what… you might meet someone!
Brush up on your online messaging skills. Remember, you only have one shot when it comes to sending a first message that you hope a potential date responds to. It has to be casual yet attentive, funny but not jokey, and sincere without the schmaltz.
Alway go on a date with few to no expectations; that way, everything positive is gravy. All too often our fantasies fester before we even meet someone, and what would otherwise be a great date falls flat before take-off.
Now… if you think the idea of sex is becoming all-consuming and affecting your day-to-day life, then you’ve got bigger problems than trying to meet your next lover. You could find a sex therapist, especially if there’s a history of obsession… or you could always hire an escort of sorts just to get what you’ve got (or don’t got!) out of your system.
Good luck HiO!
Hookup Help is a Q&A series. If you want advice or a female’s perspective on hooking up, online dating, relationships, or sex… we want to hear from you. SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION, and who knows, you may appear in the next Hookup Land newsletter. -xo Holly and Tia