How can you tell if you’re a rebound guy?
When you dip your toe in—or dive into—the casual dating scene, you never know what you might find. And while that is part of the fun and excitement of online dating, you can’t always expect smooth sailing.
I remember my first foray into online dating. I had a lot of anxiety just signing up and browsing profiles before I had even gone on any dates. I was perhaps a little too optimistic and trusting, but now I feel like a seasoned pro. I can spot the red flags in dating profiles, and I know what questions to ask before wasting the time and energy that meeting up in person can take if it’s the wrong kind of match.
If you want to avoid being a rebound, identifying your own red flags can save not just time and money and energy, but also heartache and disappointment. Especially if you’re looking for something a little beyond a casual hookup.
Here are some signs that the woman whose profile you keep going back to, or the woman you’re currently in the back-and-forth stage of messaging with, or the woman you’ve been on a date or two, isn’t thinking about finding a beau but a rebound to assuage her own heartbreak or worse—not a fun place to be for most guys.
3 Signs You’re a Rebound Guy
1. Her relationship status is blank, and she doesn’t mention what she’s looking for.
I encourage all online daters to fill out their profiles with as much detail as they can. It’s okay to say you’ve been single for ten years, or that you’re polyamorous and looking for a secondary partner, or that you’ve just separated and new to online dating—the more honest you are about your current situation—wherever that may be—the better chance you will find a suitable match.
When a person leaves the “relationship status” and “looking for” sections of their dating profile empty, it makes you wonder. Details matter, and without them you’re just left to fill in the blanks. She may be leaving hers empty because she’s just kicking the tires for attention (yep, we do that sometimes) or worse, she’s trying to make an ex jealous.
2. She doesn’t respond to your messages in a time that suits your interest or desire.
We are all living busy lives that extend beyond our dating worlds. Some people have these expectations or rules about when you should respond, but I say keep it simple. If someone is respectful and keen, they will reply in kind.
If you feel like she’s playing you for a fool or just stringing you along with no intention of ever meeting, trust your instincts and look elsewhere. Putting all your hopes into one woman’s profile isn’t your best bet. She might just be playing the field and trying to juggle a busy dating schedule, in which case you can always ask about her intentions after you’ve had a few dates and see potential.
3. She talks about her fresh ex or compares the two of you.
When you meet someone new, the last thing you want to hear about is their recent ex, good or bad. In my experience, when someone can’t stop talking about what a witch or jerk their ex was, it usually means they aren’t the best person either. When they just bring up an ex to talk about how great they were, there often are lingering feelings.
Now, if you just want sex and don’t mind a few strings here or there, go for it—just know that you might get sucked into some serious drama. I just think it’s bad dating etiquette to talk about a recent ex on a first date, although commiserating about weird online dating experiences can be a fun way to break the ice.
It’s human to seek comfort when we are in pain, often in someone’s else’s arms, and it’s not always easy to be honest with ourselves or others. Do what’s right for you to protect you own feelings, but try at the same time to understand why someone might not be forthcoming or in denial.
What’s your experience with dating rebounds?