First dates can be nerve wracking. You’re sitting across from someone you’ve just met, scrambling to find some way to connect. You haven’t gotten laid in what feels like forever, you’re sweating and your underwear is riding up your ass.
Maybe you’re compelled to take things in a direction you really shouldn’t, just for the sake of saying something… ANYTHING! This is when you need to stop, take a deep breath, and consider the following: Little conversation is better than shitty conversation on a first date.
5 Topics to Avoid on a First Date
Unless you’ve met your date through a site like FindaThreesome.com, I would suggest not going there. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been enjoying a nice first-date coffee, only to be hit with the question of whether or not I’d consider fucking not only the dude sitting across from me but some other woman as well.
Keep in mind that your date probably hasn’t even decided if she wants you to bone her. Take some time to get to know her before asking for the fancy sex.
2. Your “Crazy” Ex
Your date doesn’t want to sit through an hour of you complaining about how horrible your ex is. She’s not your therapist, and she would much rather you ask her questions about her! Share things about yourself that you think she might find interesting.
If you’re in so much pain from your previous relationship that you can’t help but talk about, take some time out from dating to deal with that. Talk to friends or a therapist, spend some time alone if you need to. Don’t poison a new relationship before it’s even begun.
3. Your Mother
Although it’s widely accepted that women love a man who thinks highly of his mother, there is a limit. Mama’s boys are NOT sexy, and mentioning your mother more than once on a first date constitutes a major red flag.
I once went out with a guy who mentioned his mother upwards of twenty times! It turns out he lived with her and was irritated that she made him clean his own bathroom, and that she hogged the remote. My vagina pretty much just up and left the restaurant.
4. Your Inventory of Hurts
In addition to the topic of your “crazy ex,” resist the urge to dive too deeply into your pit of anguish; you know, the one containing all the tears from your childhood? Don’t have one of these pits? Well, consider yourself lucky because many of us do, and they tend to bubble up at the most inopportune times.
Anxiety can trigger this, so if online dating make you nervous, take steps to calm yourself beforehand. Try meditation, or deep breathing. Journalling can be helpful too, as it exorcises all that crap in a private and healthy way.
5. Anything that Makes Her Visibly Uncomfortable
Pay attention to her responses. Is she changing the subject? Is she scanning the restaurant for emergency exits? Let the conversation unfold naturally. Don’t worry if things start out slow. If the chemistry is there, you’ll find common ground.
Don’t feel that you have to drive the whole thing. It will only lead to the kind of one-sided discourse I’ve been cautioning you against. If, by the end of the date, you’re still wading through awkward silence, just call it a night.