It’s been a strange week. I’m dealing with the fallout from a couple of relationships that ended badly. I don’t know how often relationships ever end well, but these ones definitely didn’t. Also, my toaster exploded. It’s one thing to live without women. It’s another thing to endure this life without the ability to make toast.
On a cheerier note, I plan to focus on casual dating. But I also think about meeting someone I really like and how one navigates that strange territory between a hookup and something more serious.
How to Turn a One Night Stand into a Relationship
Hook Up on a First Date
So you meet a beautiful woman online. There’s instant chemistry, and you end up in bed that very night. The next morning you go your separate ways. But what if you want to see more of her?
There’s that weird notion about not wanting a relationship with someone who gives it up too easily, but that’s outdated in our hookup culture. Many long-term loves start with sex on the first date.
Yet there is still something about playing hard to get, like the sexuality has to be earned through signs and acts of dedication to the romance and relationship. So how do you get that second date?
Cool Your Jets
It probably makes sense to ask after you hook up, before you part company, if they would like to see you again. Once they’re gone, it’s easy to think that’s all they wanted. Try proposing something that doesn’t obviously lead to a sexual encounter—a day date, something outdoors, something a little more chill.
Don’t invite them to meet you at a bar. Instead, go to a museum or something that would normally be a bit of a thrill killer. After that, treat it like a first date. Assume the sex didn’t already happen and be romantic. Work your way back up to that first kiss.
Share Your Thoughts
Check in with where they’re at, and whether they’re cool with taking it slow. Let the person know that you like them and you want to get to know them a little. If you take them seriously, and they want to be taken seriously, things have a chance to develop.
You already know that the primal chemistry is there, but their reasons for fucking you may not have been exactly about you. It could be a rebound, or just a random thrill. By getting to know them you might be able to end up on more than just their sexual radar.
Be Prepared for Feelings
People can have a lot of mixed feelings after a one night stand. There is all kinds of Catholic guilt built into sex, even if you aren’t Catholic. These feelings, in the aftermath, can push somebody away because they feel shame.
Navigating this choppy water is going to be challenging. You need to accept the possibility that it won’t work out. Dating rejection can bruise your ego, but it shouldn’t deter you looking for love. Your chances all lie in your patience, maturity, and honesty about where you’re at.
Have you turned a hookup into something more? Please share in the comments!