There are at least a million reasons why women might be looking for casual sex. And she’s in a million places, looking for you. Even so, I have received at least a million letters from you guys saying apparently you can’t find this particular woman.
Recently at an office Thanksgiving party, a co-worker was grumbling about his lack of prospects. Since I make no secret of how much I enjoy sex and casual dating, he had no problem confiding in me.
“Take for example, you,” he said. “You’ve mentioned more than once that you’re career-focused and enjoying flings right now, not looking for a relationship. So, how come I’m not one of the lucky ones?”
He was genuinely puzzled, so I took this the right way—not the wrong way. I chose to feel flattered. But the ask itself was a glaring illustration of why I hadn’t hooked up with him.
He was asking the wrong question.
“Well, you didn’t ask,” I told him. This was the first time I was hearing an expression of interest.
Just because my co-worker missed the boat, it doesn’t mean you have to.
How to Meet Women who Want Casual Sex
1. Ask the Right Question.
Don’t ask why you’re not with her, why you didn’t get lucky, if she has a boyfriend, or if she wants to “get together.”
Be very clear and don’t send mixed signals that she can’t interpret.
If you think sounding more like a date, or being vague about whether you want a relationship or just sex, bolsters your chances—think again. A woman who does hope for a relationship will be upset that you misled her, and a woman who only wants sex won’t be certain that you aren’t looking to get involved.
Furthermore, if you already know she enjoys hooking up—like my co-worker did—but never ask her, how will she know you’re interested?
2. Go to the Right Place
Well, you’re in the right place—choosing online dating sites for hookups takes the guesswork out. Still, you’d be surprised how many of you guys go to other dating sites advertising stuff like Celibacy Forever or Start Your Family After the Wedding. Online dating for people looking for casual sex or hookups and related mobile apps are the best bet.
3. Be Honest
I was really reluctant to go out with this sexy budding rap star, even though I tore my sheets to shreds at night thinking about riding him to the moon and back. Why? Because he was married and I saw him around my gym and the clubs with other young women, so I thought he was a player. Out of respect for his wife I didn’t answer his texts.
When he finally told me the truth—that they had an open marriage and that she had a secondary partner—I hastily ran out to get new sheets and we made up for lost time.