How to Undress a Sexy Hookup

I’d like to say that undressing before sex is a delicate art form — too bad I can’t. It’s often a clumsy and awkward chore. In fact, I’m usually relieved when I’m with a regular fuck buddy so that we can undress ourselves, without expectation, and get right to it.

Alas, first hookups require more consideration.

Not every stage of the process will be smooth, but I humbly offer some techniques that are both fun and sexy:

Shirt unbuttoning. This task is pretty straightforward and rarely causes confusion. But I have two recommendations: 1) Considering this step will likely be near the top of the getting-naked list, going slowly is always a great tease, and 2) The next button is always easy to find, without having to look at what you’re doing, so never break eye-contact.

Jeans. It always sucks trying to pull off someone’s jeans. I find jeans-removal to be a total buzz-kill. They’re always too tight (think of what you went through to put them on!) and the peeling-effect doesn’t quite evoke the sensuality of peeling a tangerine, let alone a banana. Again, maintain eye-contact. And it’s better to giggle over it than to get frustrated and spoil the mood.

That damned bra. Front clasp? Back clasp? Pull-over? Don’t even bother: even if you do know where the clasp is, getting it to obey your command is usually a waste of time, resulting in a request for immediate assistance. I tend to ignore it all — first I lift the cups and get to work, then once the point of no return has been reached, I pull it over her head and toss it across the room. I’m a lover, not an engineer.

Underwear. This one is my fave. Underwear is the last step on the threshold to ecstasy and I hate to waste it. So I long ago decided there’s only one way to take off a woman’s underwear: rip them off. That’s what I do. And I promise you, it always elicits a gasp just inches away from orgasm. It’s usually something they’ve never experienced — and they love it. Once I’ve been with a woman a few times, though, she might (once in a while) say beforehand, “Not these ones — these ones are expensive.” But on a first date? They never say no.

Jewelry. This one might seem odd, but I assure you it’s worthy to consider. Keep every piece of it on. Jewelry looks so sexy—so…porno—when it’s gleaming with oils and bodily fluids. Not to mention: heavy, dangly chains look and sound great swinging around while in the midst of a good pounding.

Also, it’s worth noting that keeping your socks on can be just as sexy as barefeet: sometimes you just can’t wait long enough to stop and slip outta your socks.

Another also: if you plan to do a strip-tease, you might wanna make sure you’re good at it, otherwise it can come off as looking a little ridiculous. Practice first, alone, in front of a mirror.

Happy peeling!

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