How to Avoid Blue Balls

It’s no secret that the most effective way to murder a male hookup is to blue-ball him. Then there’s that lesser charge — the dating equivalent of manslaughter — whereby a woman doesn’t intend to blue-ball anyone, but, alas, the car accidentally runs the stop sign, so to speak. Intentional or otherwise, blue balls are deadly.

But isn’t flirting fun, some may ask? Indeed it is, or can be. Although perhaps a little fine-tuning definition is in order:

Flirting is harmless, playful titillation. It’s usually up-front, often without intensification, and both parties can play along without an incapacitating blood-rush.

Teasing is an awful lot like flirting only with a more sexual overtone. Still, no promises made.

Blue-balling starts with flirting, moves to teasing, gets down to action, then comes to an abrupt halt just as things reach the point of no return. I bet despots around the world use it as an effective technique to elicit information from POWs, that’s how effective it is, just so you know.

I’m sure not every woman realizes when they’re blue-balling a guy, or the magnitude of it. No doubt others think it’s a positive thing by leaving their man wanting more. But once the gears are in motion, the machine only moves in one direction without causing a major collision.

So consider starting here:

• Know that it’s perfectly alright to NOT want to get down and dirty, and make that clear.
• If sex (in any of its variations) is not on the agenda, don’t start a “mini-version” of sex that doesn’t include a happy ending.
• No sex, no touch. A touch can be deadly.

Because if you know you have no intention of having sex but nevertheless start getting generous with your hands and mouth, that only makes you a cold-hearted blueballer. Shame on you for being so mean.

But here’s a critical note for guys:

There’s no way out of a blue ball scenario. Whether it’s happened unintentionally or the girl you’re with is a monster, at the end of the day NO MEANS NO. No matter how close you get, if she pulls the plug, you have no choice but to suck it up.

Besides, like I always say, There’s nothing a good wank can’t cure.

Any blue ball stories to share? Or is it just too painful?