Why Do Women Want to Make Sex Tapes?

Dear Jamie,

Why does everyone I go out with want to make a sex tape?

I enjoy watching people fuck as much as the next guy, and who doesn’t love having a naked keepsake of a hot date? I get that much, but it seems as if the last four women I hooked up with were all dying to make a video.

I don’t even make sex tapes with long-term girlfriends, because I think it’s literal dynamite if something goes wrong. Hypothetically, it’s not safe for her—usually it’s the guy who goes wacko if he’s jealous or angry, right? But it can be used by her for revenge too if things go south. I just don’t think it’s a good idea. I don’t want to hurt my parents, on that slim chance they see my kinky ass in the Cloud.

I missed out on sex this last time because my date wasn’t interested in getting busy without recording it.

I wouldn’t be writing if this was a one-off situation. Is it just me? I’m an average guy, just for the record. I’m happy with myself, but I’m no stallion or Hollywood hunk—not even close. My dick is not massive either, or particularly unusual. It’s a regular, average-sized penis. So I don’t get it. Do you? – Aaron, 28

Hi Aaron,

Thanks for sharing your story. I don’t know what’s going on, either. Sure, once in a while someone brings up the idea of filming the action, and I’ve participated at times, but four in a row?

I say move on and date someone else, and the spell may break. I’m sure you have unique charms and maybe you should feel flattered instead of suspicious, but chances are the next hookup will be into something else.

By suggesting that the attention is flattering, I’m NOT suggesting you change your boundaries. I’m with you on this one—sex tapes (I’m old enough to still use this term too!) can be volatile. Even if their intention is insanely hot, things can go wrong later and end up in the wrong hands.

I wouldn’t lose sleep over it. Sex tapes are a dime a dozen, really. And consenting women and men who both like making these should have no problem finding each other.

As for what was motivating four different women in a row, I’m bound to think it was a coincidence, unless you did something terrible that they somehow all know about. If there is some kind of connection between the women, that would be more suspicious. But as women are getting more in touch with their desires, they’re finding they are just as visual as guys, and being in the director’s seat might be a turn on.

Images and videos and permeate all forms of social media—whether lolcats, politicians’ gaffes, or sexy souvenirs. And some women are obsessed with filming themselves having sex, in part because the freedom to be in them can be exhilarating.

On the other hand, she might have something to prove. Hypothetically, she may want revenge against you, or it might not be personal at all—she might want to hurt another lover by parading her naked body around with another man.

If you end up in a situation where you do want to indulge her next time, suggest she use your phone and you control the outcome of the recording. Better yet, you can both enjoy it together after the fact, and then erase all trace of it right away.

But I would go with your instinct and steer clear of the camera. There are lots of other ways to play.

Do you meet women who want to record your hookups? Are you game?

Hookup Help is a Q&A series. If you want advice or a female’s perspective on hooking up, online dating, relationships, or sex, we want to hear from you. SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION, and who knows, you may appear in the next Hookup Land newsletter.

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