Q: Dear Jenny. I met a woman online and have been on one date. It was great and we’re planning to get together when she returns from a vacation. Almost since we met, we’ve been very flirtatious through texts and emails. One glitch though, she says she hasn’t had sex in a long time and has a low libido. Our flirting is rather tame, but we both know what it’s about, if you know what I mean. I just get a bit worried as my last girlfriend had a low sex drive, not in the beginning, but after six months it was all downhill. Is there anything a guy can do to raise a woman’s libido or make it last? -Randy
A: Dear Randy. First off, let me say I like your non-pushy dating style. As hot as first date sex can be, it often isn’t my recommendation if you’re looking for something serious. Women love flirty texts at the beginning of relationship, and without actually mentioning sex they are much sexier.
Let me explain the libido of most women compared to men’s. A man’s libido is a constant, if it’s high it always is. A woman’s sex drive is like a rollercoaster, up and down and all around. So how do you make it stay at the top? Great Sex! When a woman hasn’t had sex in a long time, she can almost forget what it is, and she will forget how great it can feel with the right partner. If her last boyfriend or string of hookups sucked in bed, she’s not going to have much drive to test it out any time soon.
Amazing sex can change that attitude. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a flatline libido only to be brought back to life by a man who knows what he’s doing. When this happens my sex drive often overtakes his. Some haven’t been able to keep up! Great sex, for a woman is like chocolate, the more you give her the more she wants. So all you have to do is make sure that first time with your new lady is out of this world. Don’t save anything, bring out all the bells and whistles.
All relationships are hottest in the beginning, sex-wise, but keeping things fresh is up to both partners. Whether you do that by sharing and exploring fantasies, trying new positions or locations, taking it outdoors, or adding a third. This is a challenge for all couples, and once you’ve been with someone long enough, you also realize that sex isn’t everything… but it is important.
Any tips from men who know how to keep a woman’s sex drive in fifth gear?
Hookup Help is a Q & A series. If you want advice or a female’s perspective on hooking up, online dating, relationships, or sex… we want to hear from you. SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION HERE, and who knows, you may appear in the next Hookupland newsletter. -xo Jenny