Q: Dear Holly. I’m new to online dating, and I’m still working on my profile. I’ve stopped going out as much because I’m in my mid-forties, so I’m not meeting women at the bars anymore.
I guess you could say I’ve slowed down a little. I’ve asked a friend for help, but she’s never done online dating either, so it’s a bit like the blind leading the blind. Do I need to fill out all the categories? And what do women want to see, or what are they attracted to most? – Stephen
A: Hi Stephen. Congratulations on making the move! Online dating is a much easier, efficient way to meet women as we get older. It will take you a little getting used to—the art of online messages, and asking women out before you meet in person. But, the good news is, you can take your time, and go at a speed that is comfortable for you.
Your dating profile is your calling card. I always remind guys to put the effort in initially because a lazy profile will get you nowhere, no matter how hot you are. Here’s some advice based on my own dating site experiences and my many women friends who also use online dating to meet men.
Qualities of a Great Online Dating Profile
Real Photos. There are many tips on choosing the best profile pictures, but it’s not rocket science. Use current photos that reflect your best you. Choose at least one close-up, and don’t forget to smile—the angry, serious look is unappealing. If you have a pet, include him or her in one pic… ladies love cute animals.
Confidence. This is perhaps one of the sexiest attributes a man can possess, and if you can project confidence without arrogance in your profile, you will stand out. Don’t be shy about sharing your interests and passions, what you are good at.
Positive. Negativity attracts negativity, so it’s important to express good energy. Some men go back into the dating scene after a nasty breakup and it’s too soon—they air their dirty laundry and share what they’re not looking for. It’s petty and a total turn off. If you are dating-ready, let us know what inspires you.
Honesty. Don’t be afraid to state the kind of relationship you’re looking for—women appreciate honesty, whether you want casual hookups or something more serious, we don’t want our time wasted. That said, don’t get into the type of woman you want, because you’ll be closing yourself off to some women who may not see themselves fitting that, but who might just be an excellent match.
Humor. There’s a reason why the short, fat balding types always get the girl. They’re also the ones who can make a girl laugh. Try to fit your sense of humor into your profile, whether that’s self-deprecation, sarcasm, or dry wit. This also works when sending a potential date a first message.
Keep working on your profile, and don’t forget to update and refresh regularly as things change in your life.
Hookup Help is a Q&A series. If you want advice or a female’s perspective on hooking up, online dating, relationships, or sex… we want to hear from you. SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION, and who knows, you may appear in the next Hookup Land newsletter. -xo Holly