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What Is Porny Sex?

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Porny sex is an epidemic. I’m not that old, but I feel like I’ve had a hundred years’ worth of shitty, porn-inspired sex. I blame the internet and the fact that so many of today’s men have cut their sexual teeth on hours of cheesy, ready-to-stream smut.

Women of the world deserve more, and you do too! Let us shed light on this sad state of affairs, so that next week I can suggest ways in which we can put an end to porny sex once and for all!

Porny Sex Is…


There’s virtually no lead-up. Your dirty talk is scripted, your thrusts automated. You smack her ass and grab her hair because you think it’s time to ramp up the action, not because you feel a spike in your desire. You switch positions because you want to show off your range of sexual talents, not because the mood strikes.

You care that you look good more than you care about your own enjoyment. If she comes it’s because you made it happen! You’re actor and director, she’s audience and prop.


Your one and only goal is to make her come. Hard. You’ve got your moves planned out because you know exactly what she needs. Once you get going, there’s no stopping. You move from the top to bottom, putting in the required time allotted to foreplay before thrusting into her.

Is she wet enough? Maybe not, but she will be. You care only that she makes all the right noises, moans of pleasure, prayers to God. There’s no room for detours or exploration, you’ve got your route planned out, and you know exactly what awaits you at your destination.

Laden with Expectation

You need your hookup to have a shaved pussy, a willingness to fuck without being seduced, a desire to assume a favored position or to come at exactly the right time. If she doesn’t orgasm, you feel a bit angry. She’s not fulfilling her end of the bargain!

If she doesn’t want to give you head, or engage in anal, you think she’s a prude. If porn has taught you anything it’s that women love being fucked at all times, in every way possible.

Often Disappointing

Porny sex is not satisfying. It’s an objectification ritual, a soulless filling of holes if you will. While it might be fun to role play porn star now and again, it doesn’t stand up as a staple of genuine sexual expression. I think of porn as the fast food of sex. It’s quick, it tastes good and it’s addictive, but ultimately it’s empty calories. You and your partner both deserve something more. You deserve a nutritious, four-course meal served on fancy plates!

What do you think? Should porny sex die the death of a thousand paper cuts? Leave us your thoughts in a comment.

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