What You Can Learn from Bad Sex

Bad sex feels awkward and hilarious at the best of times, icky and deeply wrong at the worst.

When you’re having it, you might feel that time has stopped, not in the sublime way that time stops when sex is good, but in the sense that you can’t believe you’re still slogging your way through this boring exercise. Does she feel it too? Probably. It’s time to pull out, go home and think about what you’ve learned.

What to Avoid in the Future

There is something to be said for the ultra memorable, cringe-worthy aspects of bad sex. Have you ever had food poisoning? If so, then you understand that no force in all the universe could convince you to revisit the restaurant that made your bad tuna roll. In fact, there’s a good chance that you might pass up all tuna rolls made in any restaurant by any sushi chef, for perpetuity.

If the bad sex you had came from doing something way outside your comfort zone, or from hooking up with someone you know you really shouldn’t have, this kind of aversion can be self-preserving.

What You Really Want

Sometimes bad sex is the result of settling for something (or someone) that you don’t desire. It can be a wake-up call telling you to end things or to keep searching for the connection you know you deserve. If the sex started out good but turned bad over time, there’s a chance that something isn’t working in your relationship, and you need a change.

Use this opportunity to sharpen your self-awareness, and think of what you really want or need in your life.

The Importance of Communicating

Not all bad sex is terminal. If you and your partner have a strong connection and are intent on improving, there’s no reason you shouldn’t try. Lots of times sex is shitty because of a lack of communication. Unlike in the movies, we don’t all fit together seamlessly the first time we go at it.

Good sex takes honesty and maybe even some well-executed and informative dirty talk to get things running more smoothly. Never underestimate the transformative power of dirty talk! If that kind of on-the-fly thing feels too intimidating, have a real conversation about sex at some point in the day when your not actually penetrating your partner.

That Chemistry Matters

I’m sure we’ve all had the experience of half-heartedly fucking someone for the sake of getting it over with. Maybe there had been chemistry at some point, or you put things off for too long and the anticipation of fucking this person had proven anti-climactic (pardon the pun).

Whatever the reason, bad sex with someone you’re not really feeling is a good reminder that sex is meant to express something more than just the physical. Even if it’s not a loving exchange, it should at least be a powerful one.

That You Should Just Be Friends

Not all relationships are destined to be hot. Some start out that way, but it quickly becomes obvious to one or both parties involved that they should keep the Netflix and lose the chill.

This doesn’t have to be a tragedy! I’ve met some of my dearest friends as a result of failed sexual connections. As long as you get along and are both equally disgusted by the idea of going at it again, there’s no reason you can’t transition to platonic buddy status.

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