Maybe you’ve fancied yourself an adventurous, knowledgeable lover but have shied away from experiencing bliss in new ways. You’re not sure you know what you’re doing, or if you’ll like something a partner has suggested.
You want to build confidence, become skillful in the art of lovemaking, drive her wild, and be open to new adventures, but you aren’t sure where to start.
Tap your fantasies for fodder.
The best place to begin expanding your repertoire of experiences is in that secret bucket list in your brain. Everyone has favorite go-to fantasies that get them off, whether they are basic or elaborate.
If you want to know what to try next, check your most frequent, dependable fantasies. It might be “dating a blonde with big boobs,” “getting pegged,” or “watching a woman riding another man.”
Whatever it is, determine whether it’s a dream you want to make real, or something meant only for the imagination, and then move forward accordingly.
Take your cues from your date.
If you want to expand your sexual horizons and you’re dating and hooking up already, simply ask her what she wants in bed and develop the confidence and techniques to satisfy her. This effort will bring you to new heights.
Don’t avoid something just because you are inexperienced or not sure how to please her. Ask! A woman doesn’t mind hearing “I haven’t done this often… does this feel good? Tell me what’s best for you.” In fact, she’ll consider it fantastic sex, believe me.
Watch more porn… but watch it critically.
Usually during porn, you’re focused on the finish line and not on assessing the actors or script. Porn is a great place to study new positions, ideas, and role playing scenarios.
You have to assess the viability of what you’re looking at, however. If you follow your stepmother into the shower in real life, you’re far more likely to end up with a bloody nose than the thrill of your life. Your casual date tonight probably doesn’t want a bucket load of your cum on her face, and you likely aren’t the acrobat who can do a handstand while inside her.
Enjoy the view, watch how it’s done, get new ideas, but keep it real.
Date women with a variety of interests and profiles.
Maybe you always go out with kinky women who wear a lot of black eyeliner, or you have a thing for the soft bunny type who has big boobs and wears fuzzy sweaters.
That’s all fine and good, but new things happen in bed with different women.
The wonderful thing about casual hookups is that you don’t have to be compatible for a long-term relationship or everyday life to hook up for interesting and great sex.
Try a sex seminar or workshop.
Even in small cities, you should be able to find workshops or courses on a variety of sex topics, either at sex shops or touring shows. Most seminars are like college classes or group discussions, but some are hands on wherein you are encouraged to bring a partner.
I’ve gone to both How to Give Better Blowjobs and Advanced Cunnilingus workshops. There are also BDSM dance parties where you can explore many kinks and fetishes.
Browse online for new toys and accessories.
You can’t imagine the variety of sex toys, props, and outfits available. Have fun while stocking up your toy box, discovering what feels good solo or with a partner.