We’ve all heard the same things when it comes to casual sex: “It won’t last because she’ll want more” or “If it was just casual, it wouldn’t be that good” or “You’ll get jealous when you hear she’s fucked another guy.”
There are lots of reasons why NSA sex might be a bad idea, but that doesn’t stop us from trying it, now does it? Thankfully there are ways to cut down on the drama.
Keep it Steamy
When you and your friend with benefits are together, focus almost exclusively on sex. Spend the majority of your time fucking, or preparing to fuck, or reveling in how great the fucking just was. If you find that one of you isn’t feeling sexy, call it a night. Don’t hang around to watch a movie, and especially don’t sit there and talk about your feelings.
In a casual arrangement, feelings are nobody’s business. If you’re prone to developing deep connections, or if you can’t get off without some kind of emotional payoff, a fuck-buddy arrangement—even a short-term one—is definitely not for you.
Avoid Gazing into Each Other’s Eyes
While engaging in all that steamy sex, choose positions that are perhaps a little less intimate than the oft-tender missionary or cowgirl options. Doggy style works well, but if that’s not your thing you can always choose from one of the following: a blindfold, a paper bag, pirate’s eye patches, a batman mask with the eye holes taped over. Alternatively, you could just close your eyes, or stare at your partner’s boobs.
Don’t Cuddle Afterwards
Cuddling releases a bunch of feel good chemicals in the brain, which encourages bonding. You’ve already bonded with your genitals, so you should be good, right? That said, some people can handle a bit of cuddling after the fact and don’t feel satisfied unless that’s part of the deal. In that case, I’d say cuddle with caution. Get your fix, but beware of deeper feelings that might start to develop.
Don’t Share Too Many Details About Your Lives
Just like cuddling, sharing stories about your lives can lead to a deeper connection. Try to keep the conversation casual. If you must talk about anything other than sex, stick to neutral subjects, like the weather, or how bad the traffic was on your way over. With any luck you’ll find the inane chitchat so insufferable that you’ll want to tear each others clothes off—STAT.
If you start wondering what your fuck buddy does on the days you don’t see her, you’ve gone too far down the emotional rabbit hole. In short, don’t ask questions, and don’t volunteer information.
Don’t Stay Over
We’ve already established that hanging around after the fact is a bad idea. Just tear off your batman mask and get the hell outa there! Even if it’s late and there are six feet of snow on the ground, order an Uber and go. If you really can’t leave for practical or safety reasons, sleep on the couch. Sharing the bed is a slippery slope towards coupledom.
If you really need that kind of closeness, try a cuddle party! You’ll get to cuddle with a bunch of people in a non-sexual environment, and maybe that’s the extra piece you need to feel happy? The key to keeping your hookups casual is to compartmentalize. Don’t expect your FWB to meet all your needs.