Just the Tips

Picking the Right Sex Safeword

Sex Candles

The scene: A man and a woman are watching porn wherein a couple is having deep, bang-bang anal sex.

WOMAN: I wanna try anal. I think I’m ready.

MAN: Really?! Me, too! Let’s do it!

CUT TO: 30 minutes later. The man and woman are in the EMERGENCY ROOM.

NURSE: Doctor, there’s a woman in pod 6 who rented “DeepDeep BangBang.”

Looks like someone didn’t prepare a safeword…!

Porn makes everything look easier. Some people clearly don’t realize that the woman they see taking ten cocks in her ass is not only a seasoned pro, she’d spent plenty of off-camera time preparing her butt for intrusion. Otherwise, she, too, would find herself in triage before the end of the first scene.

Sex-play can hurt like hell once you start venturing beyond the-bible-way-of-doing-things and trying out new material like BDSM or anal. Such practices take time, patience, and above all… a safeword.

Your safeword works like those little strings you attach to yourself while on a treadmill — should there be a slip, the machine stops immediately. It’s intended to be used whenever you’re experimenting with new and possibly harmful play. When you feel dangerously close to your pain or comfortability threshold, just shout your safeword and bring the sex to a full stop.

Here’s what you and your partner must do:

Choose a word that’s anything but sexy. This will be your safeword, agreed to beforehand by both partners. It should be something that takes you immediately out of the moment, even if it’s ridiculous. Think Pickles! or Hula-hoop! or Bluejay! or Bubblewrap!.

Choose wisely. The last thing you want to do while role playing with a sub (who’s meant to feel some pain, or close to it) is shout Stop! or Don’t! or That hurts! or Fuck! You don’t want your partner to interpret that as a signal to push harder.

It’s also worth noting that you shouldn’t wait until the pain is at 11 before you shout. If it’s getting to be too much, creep the safeword in slowly in order to send the message: “P…piiiiiiiiiic…pick…Pickles!”

Don’t wait until the “PICKLES! PICKLES! PICKLES! PICKLES! PICKLES! PICKLES! PICKLES!” moment. No need to give the emergency room staff more take-home fodder.

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