This one’s for the guys:
Sure, not every guy loves (giving) anal sex, but most want it in their repertoires. Women, on the other hand, not so much. Some do, some don’t; to each her own. But within the polarizing controversy over whether or not to “do” anal lies a point of view from which you (men) should run—IF having anal sex is critical to you, that is.
Anal sex seems to divide women into three broad categories:
Bring it on—these women love anal sex. This category also includes women who want to try anal if they haven’t before (whether or not they subsequently enjoy it is another matter—the point is they want to try it.
These women aren’t interested in anal sex, and they’re clear about it. We all have our likes/dislikes, right? No probs.
3. Yes, but…
If anal sex is something so important to you that a relationship that doesn’t include it is a deal-breaker, then this is the category I was warning you about. These are the women who say things like, “…only when I’m married…”, or, “…first we have to develop trust…”. What’s really happening is you’re talking to a woman who actually—really, really deep down—doesn’t want to have anything to do with anal sex, and wishes you’d never bring it up again. Even if you marry her, or date her for long enough (however long that is) to “develop trust”, can you really get off knowing that she’s only doing it for you, that if it were up to her it wouldn’t be happening at all, that she feels obligated?
Great sex, anal or otherwise, usually springs from not just chemistry but compatibility, and compatibility includes shared sexual desires. It doesn’t matter how much you enjoy each other’s cooking: if you can’t meet sexually—and instead choose to ignore it—it’ll only come back to haunt you. If anal sex is what you’re after, say so. Likewise if you’re not.
Because here’s the other thing about great sex: it doesn’t depend on anal. There are more than enough alternatives on the market.
How much does anal matter in your sex life? Do you care?