Are you new to kink and looking for some beginner tips?
The world of kink and fetishes is an exciting adventure that awaits, but it can be intimidating for beginners. Big fetish dances at nightclubs or private polyamory parties with orgies seem hot in fantasy, but can be overwhelming.
Or maybe you have kinky turn-ons, but some of the hardcore stuff out there doesn’t feel right to you.
Maybe the kink community in your neighborhood is really welcoming. Or maybe they’re a bit over the top or sending out hierarchical vibes to beginners, and you’re not sure how to make that circle.
Or maybe you just want to play out a few fantasies that you’ve had, but don’t know where to begin.
Regardless of whether you are a little bit kinky or an extreme fetishist, you have to start somewhere!
If you’re a kink beginner, there are all kinds of ways you can proceed on to kinky adventures.
8 Tips for Kink Beginners
1. Invite potential dates to show you the way through your kink dating profile.
One of the best ways to get started with kink is to simply express interest in exploring your fantasies with like-minded individuals who have experience—or maybe who want to try something, too, but haven’t taken that step.
Simply sharing in your profile something like “Curious to explore mild BDSM fantasies with a like-minded lover, but haven’t yet” works great.
Don’t be too specific or explicit. Think of it as opening a door to see who beckons.
2. Share your kinks with familiar or new lovers with matching chemistry.
If you have great sex with someone, that might be the right person to tell about your fantasies. If you have a fetish for feet, want to try pegging, or get off on black leather catsuits, someone you already enjoy hooking up with might be thrilled to have kinky options.
3. Follow her lead.
In the same vein. The next time a lover or date invites you into kink play, instead of shyly shrugging or opting out (or running screaming!), take a leap of faith.
Don’t let your lack of experience deter you. If you haven’t tried sexual domination, sensation play, role play, piss play, sex toys, or whatever it is that excites her—but you are also excited at the idea—just tell her that you share her fantasy, and ask if she’ll show you the way there.
Introducing someone to new erotic adventures is a very erotic experience, and she may be very turned on by the idea!
4. Watch kink porn and instructional videos.
Learning about anal training from a porn video might be all wrong, but a safety-first instruction kit on shopping for pony tack or how to sub safely may be dry and stuffy. Get the best of both worlds for a balanced expectation of what your kink might look like in action.
5. Experiment with kink solo.
Some kinks are complicated and don’t necessarily work for masturbation or for solo play. Some are dangerous and shouldn’t be played at by yourself. Some require specific body parts from a lover.
Still, as with most things, the best route to ecstasy starts at home. You can explore with the kink porn while masturbating, to see what works and excites you. You can try out tactile sensations solo, like the feel of leather. You can dress up by yourself or rehearse roles of dom or sub, and try things on when no one is looking!
6. Start slow and easy.
Chances are, you already see sex as a place to experiment and try new things. Calling things “kink” can complicate unnecessarily. You don’t need a label or need to be boxed into a certain regimen or lifestyle. Sex is play, and all the teasing and trying you have already enjoyed is no different than exploring kink and fetish worlds.
There are a million ways to explore. Make love to different kinds of women exploring different kinds of eroticism. You don’t have to be a “chubby chaser” or “into feederism” to date and make love to a chubby girl, but if you are, simply being with her is where things can start cooking!
Incorporate costume and dress up. You don’t have to go all out. Just nudging your outfit, or hers, in the direction you want to go can take you there.
Experiment with fun toys, games, and props. There are lots of things around the house that you can use to play.
7. Join a workshop.
There are lots of kink workshops where you can get first-hand experience and learn the ropes of safety, action, etiquette, and practice.
More often than not, you’ll find fetish workshops in small towns as well as big cities. I’m only half-kidding when I advise you to check your local library, community center, and churches—I recently saw a workshop on anal sex for married people and another on how to meet trans women through these venues.
But you will find every kind of fetish and practice through specialty kink education sites online, and they will have zoom workshops where you can meet, discuss, and discover kink.
8. Take her to a sex shop.
One way to find out a lot about what a woman is interested in is to visit a sex shop with her, if she’s open to it. See what catches her eye, what kind of toys she picks up, what kind of jokes she makes. You’ll learn a lot about what turns her on by walking the aisles with her. What dildos does she express curiosity about? What kind of outfits does she hold up in a mirror?
Watch for her reactions to the objects and toys you pick up too. What are her responses to videos you check out? Watch for facial expressions, jokes, and disgust, as well as curiosity and obvious interest.
You can openly discuss your desires, fantasies, kinks, and what you want to try together while you shop, and decide where it is most comfortable to begin.
Are you a kink beginner? How did you get started?