How to Hook Up when Your Kinks Don’t Match

If you’re upfront about who you are and meet women on hookup dating sites, you usually have similar sexual interests when you meet for casual sex.

But sometimes what she’s into is a kink too far for you. Or maybe you’re vanilla but a very kinky lady is lusting after your profile pic, and you’re not sure how to proceed. Maybe she’s vanilla and you’re a hardcore fetish freak, but you can’t stop thinking about her round ass cheeks and wonder if you should ask her out anyhow.

Yes, you can hook up with someone more or less kinky than you. And you can have hot sex with someone who plays differently than what you’re used to.

Remember, everyone is different, including lovers with the exact same fetish or kink.

There are no two sexualities that are exactly alike. Just because someone is dominant, or into leather, or obsessed with larger-than-life BBW babes, that doesn’t mean they will express themselves the same as someone else who shares that passion.

How to Date Women with Different Kinks

Be Open Minded

I’m about as kinky as they come, but I get really turned off when I read put-downs of people who are vanilla. Sometimes they are considered uptight or repressed. I have friends, and lovers, who are not into theatrical or fetish sex at all, but their sexuality is no less evolved.

Kinky people fight against being thought of as perverts or disturbed just because they loved rubber or rope or swinging. Thinking someone who isn’t into pain as repressed is wrong, and probably means you are missing out on the opportunity for a hot connection. Good sex takes on many different expressions. If you can be in the moment and accept different sexualities, you can have a lot more sex.

Kinky Compromise

You’re into feet and threesomes. The deli babe you hope to fuck tonight is more interested in BDSM hookups. Even if you don’t share the same kinks, there’s always a way to meet in the middle, or combine your special interests if everyone is game.

Be Flexible About Kinks

Play her way tonight, and your way in the morning. Talk in advance about switching gears. Make it a fun challenge—a chance to experiment and experience something new together.

Most people identify as naturally dominant or submissive in bed. That’s fine, but don’t be afraid to change it up. Seeing things from your lover’s perspective can open up your sex life together exponentially.

Think Outside Your Box

A sexual rut doesn’t just mean bored married couples who do it missionary style on Fridays. If you’re only getting off to one kind of kinky scene, maybe you’re in a rut too. When was the last time you tried a different fetish, just for the experience? Adventure isn’t just for young people—if you’ve become set in your ways, consider playing a new game just for the hell of it.

Show Her the Ropes

If she isn’t kinky, it might be because she hasn’t had the right teacher. Don’t assume she isn’t open to exploring her darker side just because she hasn’t. It doesn’t hurt to ask. If she’s open to it, you can agree on a place to start that feels comfortable to her.

Think of all the things you wouldn’t have tried, had a woman not shown you.

We all have experience on this subject. What tips can you share?

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