Full disclosure: the best lovers don’t think of foreplay as “foreplay.” While penis in vagina is very important to this woman , good lovers don’t define “sex” as “penis penetrating vagina.”
That is part of sex, and the rest of the play session is also sex. Sex doesn’t always include that particular act, and when it does, it is not the whole story. It’s not necessarily the main event!
In other words, foreplay is really play. I’m assuming most readers know sex is more satisfying with variety and a fulfilling sex life is practically synonymous with not prioritizing penis-in-vagina acts. The more creative you get, the more fun you have.
It’s a great idea every once in a while to take intercourse off the table, which pushes you to get creative and think about pleasuring each other in different ways. But even when that’s the goal, what’s the hurry?
Female-focused play ensures she gets really aroused, which guarantees the whole experience is better for both of you. Holding off on the old in and out ups the tension and eventual orgasm for you too.
Read: Why Non-Penetrative Sex Is a Thing
Being more playful and spending more time in bed, instead of just plunging in and then pulling up your pants, has lots of benefits. It’s bonding and a great way to spend time with a lover. Even if you are casual lovers, or fuck buddies for that matter, sex by its nature is a social act. If you’re not in a serious relationship, it’s still great to spend time with a lover.
Ideas to Put the Play in Foreplay
1. Make Out Likes Its the Last Time
The nature of hookups is “not to waste any time.” Hooking up gets rid of unnecessary preliminaries like dating or us putting you off because it’s too soon for society to accept (pretending women aren’t in it just for sex!) However, sometimes that means important things like making out get the short end of the stick.
Even if you’re not going to spend six months making out before finally getting naked like the good old days, kissing and necking for a long time—ten minutes, an hour—can be important. It increases her arousal. Even if she wants sex, her body takes a long time to warm up to its fullest potential. There are hormones in saliva that get exchanged to prime your bodies.
Not every woman wants a lot of kissing with a hookup, because it might feel too intimate. But if she does, spend some time on making out without rushing to the next course.
2. Save the Bedroom for Later
Starting things off on the sofa, in the kitchen while you’re choosing a wine, on the stairs—because you’re not “there” yet, you’ll build excitement and draw things out longer while fooling around.
Read: Hot Tips for Extending Foreplay
3. Slow Dance with Your Lover
It might feel corny to you, but a great line up of slow burning erotic songs and a bit of swaying your way to dirty dancing will make a memorable night and build up sexual tension.
Remember when people used to meet each other in bars or go dancing? Before online dating, the classic route to a hookup was the dance floor. That’s because spending some time listening to bodies talking, touching, and anticipating what’s to come is a great warm up. It may very likely guarantee she’ll text you again for a repeat!
4. Shower Together
Head for the steamy spray to get warmed up and cleaned off. The slippery sensations and clean jets are a great place to get acquainted if its your first time getting naked together. Soaping each other up and hosing each other down can be very erotic and playful.
Read: Shower Sex Tips for Hot Hookups
5. Tickle Her Senses
If you’re both into taking your time and really enjoying a sensual experience, keep the delicious tension for hours and experiment with sensation play. Hookups have a reputation for being hot, but also fast and utilitarian. But they can be any kind of sex.
Sensation play is drawn-out, sensual, foreplay-oriented sex. Basically it’s sensuality kink, where you leisurely tease each other with different sensations. Leather and lace. Hot and cold. Feather tickler, oil massage. It could be anything that creates a sensation—silk, metal, fizzy water, tastes even, like raspberries or wine or chocolate icing.
Read: Sensation Play Ideas for Kinky Couples
6. Get Kinky
Kinky sex can be hardcore, but essentially kink is just the realm of the imagination. It is creative sex. And imaginative, creative sex is long sex.
Kink can be dramatic enactment—theater—of sexuality, of power. It is playing games, or just play. It’s not just one thing. There’s the spectrum of BDSM, there’s dress up, there is pretending you are a horse! It’s fun and a great way to relieve stress and fire up your imagination.
7. Practice Restraint
If you’re not into too much S&M but a little bit has appeal, adding simple restraint to sex amplifies sensations and sexual tension in a huge way. Just tying a scarf around your eyes so you can’t anticipate what she’ll do next slows you down. Or you can tie her hands to the bed posts, so she can’t touch back while you tease and pleasure her until she screams.
Read: Foreplay Only? How to Make It the Main Attraction
8. Focus on Oral
Spoil her with pussy licking galore each and every time. Let her know this is the main course for you, so she can relax. If you’re shy or not sure you’re doing what works, ask her. Every woman is different, so inviting her to show you what she needs is all it takes.
Want more foreplay ideas? Read: Foreplay Moves to Try with Your Next Hookup
What playful foreplay ideas can you share?
Tell us what you think