She said she had a good time, but she didn’t cum and your jaw still hurts from all the time you spent trying to make it happen. Why couldn’t she just let herself go?
It’s a complex issue. You might have had a perfect track record with your ex, but that doesn’t mean you’re the pussy whisperer. Every woman is different and the female orgasm is complicated. It takes time to really learn about what a new partner needs.
Failure to get her off right away is not an indication of your potential, nor is it all that unusual. Consider it a challenge as you use the following suggestions to help you along.
1. Have Patience
If she said she had a good time with you, believe it! Try not to think of an orgasm as the only indication of her satisfaction. I’m not saying that you should stop trying, but rather that you shouldn’t be so super focused on it or in a rush to make it happen. So it takes a few tries? Even if it takes more than a few, those are all times you get to have sex! Poor you, I know.
2. Watch Her Masturbate
What better way to understand what gets her off than to watch her go to town on herself? She’s the expert and you could gain a lot of valuable info, provided you remain open to it and don’t let your insecurities take the lead.
Her hand is not trying to show you up, or call into question your manhood. It’s just doing what it’s done for many years; deliver sweet orgasmic relief. Does it really matter what gets her off, so long as she’s enjoying it?
3. Jump in Near the End
Talk about it before she starts to masturbate and agree to take your place in the process as she sees fit. Sometimes all it takes is a little time with herself to get the ball rolling. Once the momentum has been established, your job will be easy. The added bonus is that the more you do it, the more her body will start to associate you with the big release.
4. Bring on the Toys
If vibrators and dildos are a regular part of your partner’s masturbatory routine, don’t be shy to use them on her (with permission, of course). Who says you’ve got to get her off with your body alone? By now you should notice a theme: that there’s no shame in calling in some additional reinforcements.
The sooner you realize that her pleasure isn’t a tool to strengthen your ego, the sooner you’ll have better sex all round.
5. Relax and Don’t Pressure Her
That ego thing I mentioned can lead to subtle pressure on your end to make her cum. It’s not sexy. In fact, it can have the opposite effect, making your partner tense up and get father and farther away from your desired outcome.
Just have fun with it. Accept that the sex might not be mind blowing right out of the gate, and soon enough it just might be.