You may have read the title for this post and thought, why would I give up great sex? Or maybe even, how do I get great sex to begin with?
We can all agree that sex (great or otherwise) isn’t always easy to find, especially when just simple connections can be difficult at different times in our lives, but great sex does not always equal good health, happiness, or peace of mind.
Why Would You Give Up Great Sex?
Here are some of the reasons why you might consider leaving great sex, even if it’s the best sex you’ve had.
1. You’re Perception of Great Sex Is Off
When you haven’t had sex in forever, or haven’t had much at all, any sex can feel great. Or maybe you’ve re-enacted a scene from your favorite kind of porn and now feel that you have sex-god status. When you try porny moves on a woman once, it is usually the last time.
One man’s “great sex” can sometimes be filed under another’s “never-happened sex.” Sex is so subjective. Think about it. Is the sex you’re having really all that great? Is the person you’re with fulfilling you in other ways that mean something to you? Are you having your sexual needs met, or is it just a one-way street in the sheets?
2. Your Great Sex Isn’t Safe
Are you with someone who isn’t consistent about issues of safe sex. Do they risk your health, their health, push you to have sex when you don’t have a condom, lie about being on contraceptives, or push the boundaries in kink or BDSM exploration time and time again.
Safe sex should be a priority for both parties. No great sex is worth something that will affect your physical or mental health, or change your life completely. Great sex includes both taking responsibility and being respectful of your lover’s health, even when it’s a casual relationship.
3. Your Lover ls In a Relationship with Someone Else
Taboo sex is hot, there’s no denying that, but if it’s with someone who is lying to their “monogamous” partner—aka cheating—then it’s not officially that great.
If it’s all about the sex, then find someone else who feels the same. If you’re in love with this person and they are promising to leave their husband for you, get real because this almost never happens. Great sex shouldn’t involve drama, lies, betrayal, and broken promises. But if she’s in an open relationship, that’s different.
4. You’re In a Relationship with Someone Else
Is the great sex you’re having with someone at work, someone you met online who you meet up with at the hotel every Thursday while your girlfriend or wife is at home? Again, it may feel great in the moment, but the guilt, shame, and lies that follow are rarely worth it.
Figure out why you’re seeking sex or affection outside the relationship. If you don’t want sex with the one you’re with, why are you with them? Is there a possibility to open up your relationship, explore polyamory?
5. You Have a Sex Addiction
There’s a reason why there are so many sex and love addicts anonymous (SLAA) groups worldwide. When sex becomes all-consuming, it can wreak havoc on other areas of our lives to the point of ruining our relationships, with friends, family, and other loved ones.
Your addiction may be to sex with a particular person or it could be to sex in general, with you never feeling satisfied by either the kind of sex or the amount. Sex sobriety along with counselling is often recommended to break patterns and heal oneself. We want sex to be meaningful, at least some of the time, otherwise what’s the point.
I would rather forego sex, than deal with too much baggage or potential problems attached. I want it to feel good before, during, and after.
Have you ever said goodbye to great sex? What would make you let go?