Encourage Her to Take More Initiative in Bed

Do you feel that sex is always your idea? Are you tired of making the first move and want your girlfriend to take more initiative?

For years I was the kind of girlfriend who would sit back and wait for my boyfriend to do all the work. I wanted him, but I didn’t feel confident enough to let him know. Part of that was my general lack of self-esteem, the other part an internalized belief that women shouldn’t take the lead sexually. Here are some suggestions that will encourage your lover to take more initiative.

Make Her Feel Sexy

Make a point of touching her in subtle ways when you’re out on a date. Take her hand, or rest yours on the small of her back. Gently brush a strand of hair from out of her eyes, or place your hand on her thigh. These little gestures will let her know that you think she’s hot and should boost her confidence to take more initiative later on.

If you’ve slept together previously, make a point of telling her how much you enjoyed it. Get specific. If you think she played your cock like a fine instrument, tell her! (Well, maybe don’t say that, exactly.)

Let Her Know You Want It

Send her a steamy text or two throughout the day. Say that you can’t stop thinking of the last time the two of you hooked up. Remind her of the highlights, and let her know that she’s what made the experience so sexy and memorable. You don’t want to go overboard with the compliments, just be genuine and specific.

Pay attention to her response. Is she into it or is she overwhelmed? Flattered or embarrassed? You can potentially come on too strong here. The idea is to get her feeling confident and turned on, not to smother her with your insatiable desire.

Express Enthusiasm when She Takes the Lead

Engage in a little dirty talk and let her know that you appreciate whatever it is she’s doing to you in the moment. I love it when a guy I’m fucking gets so into it that he can’t hold back his words of praise and desire.

I once had a boyfriend who loved the way I went down on him. He would say things like, “You’re so amazing at that” and “You know exactly what I need.” It really built up my confidence and made me want to blow him every chance I got! Sometimes he’d barely get in the door before I’d grab him, unzip his pants and get to it.

Give Her Time to Act

Let her set the pace. Your girlfriend might need a little time to warm up and feel comfortable enough to make her move. If you’re used to jumping in and getting things started, you’ll need to learn how to exercise some restraint and patience. Try not to focus too much on the sex you hope will happen, and just enjoy yourself in the moment and see where things go.

You might discover that she has a different sexual rhythm than you. Maybe she wants it a little less or a little more! Feel it out, and let yourself give up control. There’s so much to gain and nothing to lose.

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