Hun, I Love You, But…
(Generalizing can get me into trouble, but I love trouble, so, here I go…)
There are folks out there for whom sex means little. I’ve had a few live-and-learn relationships that suffered from such an incompatibility.
No more. I now address the anything-less-than-great sex issue head on – and EARLY on. I love sex, I want the sex I’m having to rock, and I constantly work at finding new and exciting ways of raising the bar.
So what happens when you really dig your new partner in every way but that way? I don’t think you’re going to like the answer – certainly not my answer. Popular opinion will have you and your partner begin with such therapies as/but not limited to:
- how-to books
- watching porn together
- setting sexual boundaries (this one includes contracts like, “I won’t do that”)
- therapy ($$$)
You get the idea.
Unpopular opinion (which I happen to share) is far more truthful in saying that all of the aforementioned “solutions” are only likely to further frustrate your relationship until it reaches its bitter, unsatisfied end.
Which brings me back to what you won’t want to hear. Only two things will make your sex awesome: compatibility and desire.
Compatibility is beyond anyone’s control. It can change throughout our lives as we continue to live and learn and love and lose and grow as a human being, sexually or otherwise. Where we are in our lives at any given point will determine our compatibility (or not) with the potential partners we meet. Desire in itself is useless unless compatibility has been matched. We can desire half the people we pass on the street (I do, anyway), but the street will likely be one-way.
If – if – you meet someone, the sparks fly, the desire soars, and the compatibility meter peaks, then and only then will things like watching porn, how-to books, etc., be of any use – because you won’t be resorting to them for salvation, but instead turning to them for inspiration.
And therein lies the sad sexual truth. You may really dig each other and really want the relationship to work, but if the sex ain’t there, well, the sex ain’t there.
Are you prepared to be that honest?
You should be.