Can you dish it out, but you can’t take it? Well, you’re not alone. Last week I wrote a post about how to talk about what you need in bed. Now I’d like to discuss the other side of the equation, namely what to do when your girlfriend offers up some sexy advice to you.
I know, it’s hard to face the fact that you might not be the most mind-blowing fuck machine that any woman has ever known, but once you move beyond your insecurities, to the point where you can listen openly to what your partner needs, you might just find yourself at the top of her list.
Tips for Receiving Sexual Feedback
Remain Open Minded
If your partner has the guts to speak up about what she needs from you, try to listen without judgement. This can be challenging, especially if you’ve always succeeded in the past by doing things a certain way. Perhaps you have a signature move that doesn’t work on your current partner. Does that mean that you’ve lost your touch? No! It just means that every woman is different and that it doesn’t hurt to broaden your sexual repertoire.
Don’t Consider It an Insult
Try to remember, it’s not about you, it’s about how you and your partner fit together. I think that one of the reasons we don’t tell each other what we need in bed is that it’s a delicate subject. Many of us have fragile egos (myself included). I know how easy it is to take every little criticism to heart.
The trick is to turn things around. Think of what it means when a woman opens up to you about her needs. Obviously, it means she thinks you’re worth the effort. If she thought you were a hopeless case, she wouldn’t waste her time.
Think of It as a Learning Opportunity
The more open you are to guidance, the more skills you’ll gain. How did you gain the majority of your existing sexual skills? Trial and error? From watching porn? From reading some incredibly insightful and well-written blog posts? While all of these sources do offer something valuable, nothing compares to the open and honest commentary of a real-life lady whose vagina has played host to your dick.
Where else are you going to get such relevant feedback? In what other context can you ask questions and get such made-to-measure answers? You’d be an idiot not to embrace the opportunity.
Keep the Channels of Communication Open
Make sharing a positive experience. Encourage it by listening, and by trying your best to accommodate her needs. If she sees that you’re making the effort, she’ll probably want to do the same. Just think of how hot it could get as the two of you become experts in one another’s bodies. Isn’t that what it’s all about?
I said it last week and I’ll say it gain: good sex takes time and effort. Sometimes we’re lucky enough to stumble upon a connection that’s amazing and red hot right out of the gate, but that’s not the norm. The sooner we all realize that, the sooner we’ll have a chance of finding the satisfying connection we really want.