It happens. Her photos were hot as hell. Your dick’s been hard all afternoon thinking of your sex date. But now you’re here and she’s here, and you don’t want to fuck her.
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Here’s how to deal with this scenario from hell.
1. Fix It If You Can
If it’s something that can be easily changed, like you don’t like her perfume, the hookup can be saved.
Be polite and thoughtful—don’t say, “You reek like my ex-wife.”
Mention sensitive chemical allergies, and suggest a pre-canoodle shower.
2. Let Her Know Dishonesty Gets You Nowhere
Be up front and direct, yet still polite, if the goods don’t match what you were sold.
You don’t do her any favors by catering to dishonesty. Some women think passing themselves off as something different might be better. We instinctively choose pictures for dating profiles where we think we look our best. But if hers were from ten years ago or forty pounds ago, that’s going to disappoint both parties.
Telling her that you can’t stay because she wasn’t honest must be done gently and not to punish her. She deserves to know that the problem is not being forty instead of thirty, or chubby instead of fit.
The truth is that the men who are looking for a little more to love or a more experienced gal are still out there looking, and you and she are both out on the wrong date.
3. If It’s Your Problem, Don’t Make It Hers
Never make a woman feel bad—not even the girl who misrepresented herself. She deserves your honesty, so that she can find hers. And when the problem is all yours, don’t turn it into hers.
Maybe you have particular tastes, for large labia or tiny nipples, for submissive by dominant woman. It’s a shame if you can’t be flexible to experience beautiful variety, but sometimes a person really is wired in a limited way. If she isn’t fitting this bill, do not blame her for your own needs.
Politely excuse yourself. Don’t go on and on. Just say, “I’m sorry, this just doesn’t feel right. I guess I wasn’t ready, and I’m really sorry.”
Awkward, yes, but less awkward than many alternatives.
Now, learn from this faux pas. What we said about honesty above applies here—when you’re dating online, you need to be specific in your dating profile about your hookup needs.
There are dating sites or fetish groups for every conceivable bent, including men who love large labia. If you need to be dominated, you need to mention this before hooking up. Don’t waste her time. You can find kinky women at BDSMdate.com!
4. Let Her Down Easy
If it’s simply a lack of chemistry, cold feet on your part, a change of mind, a stomach ache, or any other thing that falls into the it’s-not-you-it’s-me category, bow out gracefully.
It’s okay to tell a “softener”—what I call lies that aren’t really about dishonesty but civility.
You don’t want to tell a potential hookup, “I think I might have explosive diarrhea any minute!” No, simply tell her you’re too nervous.
Sometimes the all-around generic, vague, and useful softener—I’m sorry, but something’s come up—comes in handy.
None of these are ideal, but life has a way of throwing us curve balls, and being a gentleman instead of a jerk is always in her best interest—and yours.
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