When I first meet a guy, I don’t really look at his body. I look into his eyes as this can tell me a lot about the kind of man he is. (Kindness seems to manifest itself in the eyes, as does anger and insecurity). I’m also very aware of the way he treats people, and even of how he speaks about others in his life. These are all indicators to me of a man’s ability to engage in a healthy relationship, even if it’s only a hookup! So here are some of the things I find most sexy in a man… none of which have anything to do with his body!
When a man approaches me with the knowledge that he has a lot to offer, it’s hard to resist him. I think it’s because I’m not as concerned with taking care of his emotions or building up his ego and it frees me up to relax and be myself. It’s never sexy to have to worry about a man’s ego. Now, there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. The best way I can explain it is that confidence leaves me feeling secure in the knowledge that my date can regard me as an equal without feeling threatened, and this encourages me to open up to him. Arrogance, on the other hand, comes from a place of insecurity. It leaves me feeling defensive and tells me that my date has an inferiority complex. Not sexy. So how do you develop dating confidence? Work on your self esteem. There’s no other “trick” that will allow you to fake it, at least not convincingly.
Much like confidence, integrity is strongly tied to a feeling of self-worth. I always look for signs in my date that he respects himself and that he is honest and keeps his word. There’s nothing hot about a guy who lies or cheats. In order to feel turned on by a man, I need to feel comfortable and know that he’s going to follow through with things. Oh course, if I’m to be perfectly honest, this was not always the case. I went through the same phase that many women do of being attracted to the rebellious “bad boy” types. I got badly hurt by that, though, and have since learned my lesson. So don’t be that guy who makes a woman “learn her lesson.”
A Sense of Humor
I’ve always found humor to be the most powerful of aphrodisiacs. This is probably because it makes me relax. If the man I’m dating is funny, it puts me at ease and makes me feel that we’re sharing something fun and special with one another. Also, relationships don’t always run smoothly. There are lots of opportunities for embarrassing and awkward moments, and when these happen, there’s nothing sexier than a man who can laugh, not at my expense but along with me. Knowing that the man I’m seeing knows how to find the humor in things makes me want to experience more things with him! It also tells me that he possesses a certain degree of intelligence and mental flexibility – two very sexy things.
This is a big one and can basically be tied back to all the other points I’ve made. There’s truly nothing hotter than a guy who has his shit together. To put it another way, there’s nothing less-sexy than having to manage a guy’s unresolved issues. Just to be clear, I acknowledge that we probably all have issues, simply by virtue of having lived into adulthood, but part of being an adult is learning how to fix those things for yourself. That’s not to say you need to be perfectly well-adjusted before starting a relationship – nobody ever is! Just don’t expect the woman you’re dating to make everything better for you.