Sometimes I feel like a teenager, re-living those fumbling-bumbling days of rolling ‘round the basement floor with my sweetheart, trying to pack in a life’s-worth of heated passion before my parents get home from work, but instead getting bogged down in the laws of engineering. Will they ever make a bra that’s easy enough for a man to unfasten while in the throes of ecstasy?!
It’s not like I’m incapable of removing a bra (I mean, I know how they work), but:
1. the type of bra must first be identified (clasp or no clasp?)
2. front clasp or back clasp?
3. snaps or hooks?
4. can I get it off while using a blind reach-around?
This is my plea to women everywhere. Help! Sympathize with our struggle and guide us through the clumsiness! The bra ultimately always finds its way to the clothes pile, but how much mood are we prepared to spoil in the process?
Here’s how you can help:
- DIY. When bra-removal-time comes along, don’t wait for us: remove your own bra.
- Ban all but sports bras(!)
- Direct us vocally — sans giggles.
- Forget about the replacement cost and allow us to tear it off (this one is a particular favorite of mine: when I’m having sex with a woman for the first time, I like to squeeze in some sort of tearing — either underwear or bra; it always elicits a fun slutty reaction).
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Look, I assure you it has nothing to do with practice, clearly (ahem, ahem…) I blame it all on the design. Oh, sure, one might argue that it’s more important for a woman’s bra to remain securely fastened (that’s what they’re for, after all) than it is for the bra to be easily removed by her man-date. Ya, ya, ya. But can’t designers find a balance? I mean, look how something as simple as Velcro changed the world! Better still, whatever happened to good old laces? Seemed to work for the bodices of old, no?
Who do I write to about this?
Please don’t say NASA…
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